Oh, the Many Opinions We All Sing: Truth, AIDS, & Worldviews

We all already have so many opinions. What becomes slightly more difficult is having truth. Sometimes I doubt. In fact, I often do. I live in an American Dream, where science influences culture, and people do whatever is right in their own eyes. Sometimes, it just seems like whatever is right to us, just might actually be right. I get tired of convincing people that divorce is not good, that letting your kids do whatever they want is fine, or, mainly, that we are falling short of what is best for us when we just working for our own happiness. It feels like I'm always hitting my head against a brick wall. As I am somewhat rational on occasion, it seems a valid question to ask, "heck, do I have to hit my head against this wall all the time?" or "Do I have to always think backwards of popular culture?" Sometimes there seems to be truth beyond what I claim is truth. I wonder if I really just take what tickles my ears, calling that alone truth. If it fits into my worldview, great. If not, do I just discard all the rest, rather than change my worldview to fit what is truth?

I don't think these are abnormal questions. In fact, they seem healthy. Once, a long time ago, I decided I would follow truth whatever truth was. Because otherwise I would just believe something that was easy for me to believe, what I want to believe. And, especially, if I am going to raise my kids under a certain belief, or I am going to encourage others to believe what I believe, then dude, I better be only espousing truth!

I watched a video of a conference last night concerning AIDS and public policy. Although it was a topic I am interested in, it was a view point I probably wouldn't have preferred. I'm not the type of person who likes to hand out clean needles and condoms, even if every study on the subject does show that public policy based on promoting these keeps AIDS and HIV prevalence down. Of course, they are obviously not always the only way to keep AIDS down. Therefore I prefer to focus on things that I am more morally comfortable with, like putting an end to HIV spread through mother-to-child. Yet, what should I value more? My Christian worldview might say that passing out clean needles and condoms encourages sin. Yet, on the other hand, why should I expect moral behavior from people who don't follow God? Or, even more so, doesn't God care more about people living long enough to find God, than obeying rules which are only in place to show us a need for God, and helping us live a life in the best way (with lasting relationships, and being free of addiction, in the case of these rules). 

And, as we go through life, questions or challenges to our worldview are normal, unless we are super skilled at avoiding them. We all have choices in belief like this. Especially if you are already advocating something. I care about hurting people around the globe. So, of course, I am ever being faced with trying to figure out the best way to help them. You might care about your kids learning valuable lessons at soccer practice. I don't know what you care about. But when you discover something irking you, its probably because you care about something and/or your worldview is being challenged. There are somethings we like to avoid because we don't feel comfortable with really grappling with what we believe on a subject.

Personally, not only do I want to avoid the work to figure out what I should believe, being too lazy, yet, I am annoyed with discovering what truth is.  Oh, the internet is wonderful. And, the internet can back up whatever we want to believe. Even scholarly sources are often biased, although most of what I research comes from those. There is always the ever so slight possibly there is a conspiracy going on. Heck, if you want to, you can go join the "Society of the World is Flat," or whatever this group is called which still choose to believe that the globe, indeed, is not a globe. Is that ignorance, arrogance, or bliss?

After attempting to sort through whatever information is available on whatever topic, its easy to cop-out and declare everything as truth or conveniently stick with whatever we already believed (i.e., worldview we grew up within). Then we all go around either being annoyed someone is trying to tell us something different, or we laugh at people who sincerely believe something is true which is an abnormal belief in popular cultural. All while getting mad when someone attacks our own abnormal beliefs. But, I got news for you, though: NOT EVERYTHING IS TRUE! Not everything can be true. And, not everything that is obvious to me, will be as obvious to you. No wonder God calls for those who share His truth to be humble as well as confident. Why should anyone listen to you if you are not humble and respectful? Beliefs do not like to be trampled upon and worldviews do not change in a moment.  

And hence, I get tired. There are so many opinions being sung, while the choir is chanting a cultural American march and the choir of the Southeast Asia is chanting their chant, and even the Russian Mob choir has their own special tune. My point is, there are so many cultural, and subcultural frameworks. Within these, there are so many personal opinions, as well. I guess that means we are all trying to figure something out. It would be a little discouraging to believe that this searching is just entirely meaningless.

And I, Elisa is over here, singing her own tune. But really, she is trying to be in tune with what she believes is the meaningful melody. She isn't always sure if it is. She is open to truth, yet skeptical when truth is claimed and opinions are offered to her. I don't know right from wrong. I don't know life from death. I can't promise what I will believe tomorrow is the same.  Yet today, I will sing about God's love, Jesus life, and hope for the suffering. Today I choose to believe that is truth; I believe that makes our world a better place.

ABWE, Inc. (2007-2010). Overview. Good Soil: Evangelism and Discipleship. Retrieved May 15, 2010 from http://www.goodsoil.com/overview/

Manifesto of the idle parent

Manifesto of the idle parent

• We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work
• We pledge to leave our children alone
• That should mean that they leave us alone, too
• We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born
• We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals
• We drink alcohol without guilt
• We reject the inner Puritan
• We fill the house with music and laughter
• We don't waste money on family days out and holidays
• We lie in bed for as long as possible
• We try not to interfere
• We push them into the garden and shut the door so that we can clean the house
• We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small
• Time is more important than money
• Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness
• Down with school
• We fill the house with music and merriment

Hodgkinson, T. (2008, February 16). Idle parenting means happy children. Telegraph.co.uk. Retrieved from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/familyadvice/3355719/Idle-parenting-means-happy-children.html

Parenting: Step one

Something I've been thinking about a lot of late is my parenting goals. Its no secret that Avilynne has totally embraced the infamous Terrible Two's, for anyone who has been around her for a few hours (or minutes, sometimes). Yes indeed, before her actual birthday she threw all sweet innocent babyhood out the window and started livin' it up with drunken sippy-cup binges, screaming, head-banging tantrums and total self-absorption, manipulating the very adults she flirts with regularly. To me, the early dawn of the Terrible Two's feels greatly unfair. A month, let alone a day extra of a toddler with this disease is one too many. But who am I joking? Its not like I was preparing for this although I have been thoroughly warned. Who is ever prepared to find out their child is diagnosed with a terminal illness, even if you are warned?

Of course, that might seem like an exaggeration. Yet, in a since its not, spiritually speaking. The Terrible Two's just might be that reminder to us that our child is not the perfect concoction of our blissful marital love; instead its a little human that is also a little sinner. One time when Avi was acting up my husband sweetly looked at me and declared that those were our genes acting up in her (well, that's my paraphrase). We passed on our least favorable DNA: we fall short of perfection (and typically pretty far from it). I am obviously not a believer in the inherent goodness of mankind. Truly, no biologist, or physiologist who has ever had a two-year old can actually believe that load of crap, can they? All to say, the Bible says that all have sinned, or stated in a way that makes more since- we all are selfish, self-serving and self-focused at our core. Even psychology testifies to this, with the id and the ego and all that jazz. Oh yes, of course we can try to be good and can be successful. But that just isn't going to cut it.

And my daughter makes this truth self-evident. You want to know what she did on my birthday? Yes, my happy birthday!? She threw about fifteen temper-tantrums in the middle of quiet bookstore, and then ran across the store into the joining Starbucks! Some lady came out asking people throughout Barnes and Noble if the kid belonged to them! That was the second time that hour she ran off into oblivion. One time they had to close down part of a store to look for her. Then she was terrorizing Josiah, throwing the merchandise, and somehow I was supposed to carry her, my son, and all our stuff out of the store into the rain, leaving my unpaid for items and coffee behind? Really, I am not giving this story justice by providing you with details. I'll spare you but do know, it was MISERABLE! I wanted to spank her into the next county yet instead I stood there, tantrum after another wishing my child was better-behaved, that people would look on me with grace rather than the contempt they were showing, while desperately wishing I had five more hands and a plug to shove in her mouth. This is not an unusual situation I have found myself in either. Don't misunderstand me, Avi is a wonderful darling. She is a mysterious, exciting and a bubble of joy. But she is also Bad. Very very bad. Yes, her behavior can be bad, but there is something within her that is off too. The same something in all of us that is off which makes us so in need of God, so in need of love and grace amidst consequences and discipline we call life. So, by the grace of God parents everywhere have kindly been given the Terrible Two's as a year to train up our kids so they won't live in those Terrible Two's their whole life long. Or at least to remind us that we sure need some help as parents before we go insane. It happens, you know.

I steam like a pressure cooker that has been sitting on the boiling flame of household affairs. Sometimes I feel like I am about to burst, and the facade of the gentle mother I pretend to be is quickly melting off thanks to my semi-sweet children (semi-sweet like chocolate chips). Hence I've started hitting the books. Yep, I'm asking for advice, watching others intently, discussing ideas and gleaning from the knowledge of those more experienced or more educated on the subject: PARENTING. I am convinced the Terrible Two's were created by God to remind us that producing offspring means more than shoveling food down the pipe while occasionally wiping dirty noses and dirty bums (although that is important too). They are a reminder that we need a lot of help, and that our responsibility is greater than just what is on the outside.

Believing these two truths are, from my inexperienced and unprofessional opinion, the first place to start: that my children actually do need parenting due to their selfish human nature coupled with the fact that my spouse and I are the ones called to parent them (after all, I birthed them which was quite the experience, let me tell ya). If I have a beginning point to recognize what the heck is happening everyday I can move on from there. Yep, there is a kid and I am, what, supposed to parent? I know that might be overly simplistic for some, yet this simplicity really does drive me deeper because it acknowledges the responsibility I have.

Parenting is like being given an empty computer hard drive which already has a virus (if that's possible) that we are responsible for programing. Unfortunately, it doesn't even matter if we are good with computers or not! We get to program a operating system anyway, a worldview complete with a culture, value-system, and basic survival skills in order for it to function (and hopefully go beyond just functioning in our world to being successful). Which brings me to my questions of today which made me start on this subject in the first place: What defines successful parenting? What defines a successful child? What are my parenting goals? So maybe, if I get around to it, I'll continue hashing out parenting with these wonderings in mind. Parenting: Step Two.

FourThings I Recently Like

Understanding Stay-At-Home Moms:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Stay-At-Home-Mother?utm_source=fb&utm_campaign=newsfeed

Inglehart-Welzel Cultural Map of the World

Time and Time Again

I often catch myself trying to figure out how to jam everything I want to do in a space of time which is amazingly inadequate. "Tisk, Tisk- How to use my time today. . . ?" Yep. Where does it all go? What should I do with my limited "free time?"

Hum . . . do I actually have free time? This is my current question. And the debate begins: If the kids' nap time actually is when I am paying bills, shopping for things online and making household phone calls to the Dr. or county who screwed up the last tax payment.....is that really free time? Or when the kids go to bed at night, and I realize my husband and I need to spend time together . . . is that free time or is that time investing in the most important relationship I have with another human? And the same question applies to the time I use to write in my journal or read my Bible. Is that free time? Its my choice to use the time that way, but its something I need or I become empty and can't do the rest of my job. What about reading? I don't have to spend time reading a book. But I must stimulate my mind or I go crazy. I don't need to do anything creative like painting, writing or playing music. But maybe I do, because without that I am not my healthy self. These things make me come alive and an alive Elisa is much better than an internally dead one. Therefore that can easily affect everything and everyone in my world. Not only are others effected by time I spend improving myself, but obviously by the time I actually am spending with them (or not spending with them). So, although eating dinner with my friends might be fun, it is also time I am also investing into their lives, and time they are investing in mine. That sometimes that is not fun at all, and I might not have much of a choice about it. When is time with people free time and when is it not? And I don't need to watch a movies, but sometimes I need to be still and have mindless activity when I am so tired. But as that can be enjoyable, is it therefore free time? And is it my "job" or fun free time when I go to the park or pool or picnic with my kids? My job is to teach and lead them in the way they should go, and love them. Sometimes that also includes "fun" for me. Other times it is anything but fun, even if it at a fun place. I could go to the park with her in the morning and consider it work. I could go with her on a Saturday night, and as it is not the work week, is it then free time?

So, my question really is "What is free time?" A time where I don't have to do anything? Or is it a time when I am enjoying what I am doing? Maybe I just have time in general. Time that I have to use wisely. I have times where I have the chance to invest in myself or others that are not my kids. Not being responsible for children currently tends to define my free time. But free time is not a time void of responsibility. Time is responsibility on its own. My "free time" might end up be fun or not fun. Somewhere in me I believe I have the right to time free of responsibility in which I get to have fun. Yet reality is leading me to look at life differently. Instead of wondering when I can be free of responsibility and trying to decide how I can make myself the most happy during that time, maybe I should ask myself how I can have a best attitude with whatever amount of responsibilities I have at the moment. And I'd like to become better at knowing how to use the time I do have; focusing on others or spending time rejuvenating myself. The notion of free time is slowly fading. As it does I hope I become a better person as I don't delusionally cling to something I never had in the first place. Because, when it comes down to it, free time is an illusion.

The Former or the Later?

I'm considering which of two possible versions I like better: "Lets go out a buy that new 60" Flat Screen HDTV I've been saving up for. Oh ya, let's get Cold Stone's Ice Cream on the way home- yummy!" VERSUS "Let's spend my valuable resources I am so lucky to have so I have an excuse to be lazier and waste more time . . . and let's get some ridiculously overpriced ice cream to make me fat while I'm at it!"

Hum, I'm pretty sure there is no debate- I like the former better. But I'm wondering how my world would change if I viewed the later as more accurate.

April 25th- World Malaria Day

You can give $20 to provide a family with a malaria prevention kit (bed nets and education on the disease) at World Vision.

You can look at more facts and a map at http://www.rollbackmalaria.org/worldmalariaday/

Why should we try to prevent this disease? Well, firstly, it would really not be fun to catch. I knew a person who had it and barely survived. It really sounded like it sucks. So, if I was at risk for Malaria and couldn't afford something basic to help prevent it, I would really appreciate a rich American (yes, you live off of more than one dollar, two dollars, five dollars, or one hundred dollars a day . . . you are rich) sharing a little of what they have (forgoing a few Starbucks drinks or big macs) to help save my life. Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you, right?

But really, although I often am disgusted by rich americans (mainly, myself), I think we have a better reason to help someone than just for the sake of helping them. As a follower of Jesus, I represent Him on earth. He didn't command much (love God; love people)- but one thing He did say to do was to love people. Although the greatest needs people have are spiritual (and for me to best love people would be to help them find spiritual fulfillment in God), their physical and emotional needs are right in front of them. Our "felt" needs totally feel more important than our spiritual. So, sometimes helping people meet these needs helps them be open to meeting their spiritual needs. Jesus understood this, going out of His way to be an example of loving people by meeting their felt needs. Therefore, I should do what I can to help people know they are loved by God by acting on His behalf to feed, cloth, and comfort others. Especially when its in my means, I have no excuse whatsoever to not help others with their felt needs. Because in that case, the only thing I am giving up is having a different standard of life. Less Coldstone ice creams, less new sets of curtains, less new cell phones. All the stuff I think will make me happy. And it doesn't in comparison to seeing someone else smile because they now have a chance to live.

Earth Day for Evolutionists

I think this blog post is pretty interesting. Its really short, and presents a pretty valid (and therefore humorous) point about how celebrating Earth Day goes against the Darwinistic worldview, rather it only makes sense if you are trying to protect something you are given. Which, would be a theistic worldview. Anyways.

(Scroll down until you get to the post dated April 22nd):
http://www.str.org/site/PageServer?pagename=blog_iframe





"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

If I had Six Months to Live . . .

If I had six months to live what would I do? This was a discussion question I had to write an answer for after we studied the chapter about death and dying in my adult development psychology class. Its easy for me to write lists of goals to do throughout my life time. I try to make a new list yearly as its interesting for me to see what stays the same and what changes. But if my perceived life-time was shortened to just six months? That means I would be dying around my 25th birthday, in September. I guess as follows is what I would hope those six months to look like:

I think firstly, I would live out a spiritual purpose to a greater extent. I would try to know God more. I believe in the afterlife, and that I will go to heaven because I have trusted Jesus to cover over anything I've done wrong. I believe my hope during this six month time period would be based upon this faith I have. I would probably capitalize on it to try to know God more now if I will spend the afterlife with Him as well as to sustain me with as much peace as possible before I die.

I have always believed I am alive for a reason. I don't think I would try to be consumed with the question "Have I fulfilled my purpose yet?" but I would hopefully try to be purposeful with my time, spending it in ways that could continue making an impact after I died. It would just be trying to have an overall attitude of investment.

Spending time with my family and trying to make it easier on them would be a major focus for me. I think I would try to leave something behind for my daughter and soon-to-be son to help them know who their mother was. I'd probably try to make a journal and/or scrapbooks for them, as well as leave them cards/videos for different ages of their lives. I would likely make something similar for my husband which I hope would help him remember me and let go of me at the same time. Of course, just trying to spend a lot of time and create memorable experience with them as well as my parents and other family members and friends would be my hope.

I have no doubt that I would try to take care of arrangements after I die, such as for my children's upbringing and funeral stuff. I'd also write down some ideas and plans I have which I would have love to spend my life doing. Maybe someone would catch those visions and take them on to use them as a positive impact in the world. I would also hope to record some of the music I have written, and finish some artwork I have never finished.

I'd love to spend some of my time traveling, maybe going away every few weeks to visit people I know in California and other places. I'd also love to travel some more internationally, going to locations I have never been but have always hoped I'd have a chance to go. I would hope that it could be fun and enjoyable traveling, yet also I would love to go places where I could help during the time I was visiting. I don't think I would be so concerned with how I was helping, as much as just knowing I had a chance to get my mind off of myself and my condition, whether that would be distributing relief aid, teaching ESL, working in orphanages or spending time showing love to people forced into prostitution or slavery.

Randomly, I would also love to go parceling once. Mainly I just hope I could wrap up my life and relationships here, make a difference and prepare for moving on. I would love to be an example of living the shortness of life I have left as life to the fullest.

An Essay on Personalties in Jobs

(Note: The first two paragraphs are "blah, blah, blah" explanations of the theory. Only the last paragraph is personal)

John Holland's theory on personality in the workforce in based on six various categories of people. Holland's hypothesis is that the occupation that best matches our personalities is the one in which we will be the most successful and satisfied at. He also believes that we each tend to choose the occupation that best matches our personalities.

To summarize the six personalities, firstly, there is the Realistic Type which is aggressive, physical, and has low interpersonal skills (taking jobs such as a mechanic or repairman). There is also the Investigative Type (abstract, thinking, enjoying challenging tasks, and low in social skills such as a scientist); there is the Artistic Type (an example being a graphic artist as they prefer to be unstructured, have individualized activity, and are often asocial) and there is the Social Type (people-loving, needing attention, dislikes ordered activity, and chooses services jobs such as education). Lastly there are the Enterprising Type and the Conventional Type; the former likes to be in charge, organizes, and leads such as a manager or entrepreneur. The later could be an office assistant as they like subordinate roles, guidelines, and are precise (Boyd and Bee; 105-106).

If you want, here is a short free online version of the Holland Code Test (Which helps categorize your work personality based on how you answer the questions): http://www.roguecc.edu/counseling/HollandCodes/test.asp

I thought Holland's theory made a lot of sense as I read through the personality types. My electrical engineer husband fit the Investigative Type personality perfectly; then I read that they are often engineers. Go figure! He is extremely satisfied in his career. I, on the other hand, often find myself doing Conventional Type jobs which I am normally very unfulfilled as a person in, so much so that when offered a Conventional Type job position recently I refused it although I knew I could do it just fine. I love doing art, yet I can't handle being alone in it. This is because my work personality is firstly the Social Type (then secondly Artistic); I often do not feel fulfilled and content in life unless I purposefully add large doses of unscheduled human interaction to my day, especially if its helping or teaching people. In my current job as a "Domestic goddess and World Changer" (my title according to my business card, at least) I often find myself doing work which fits in most of these categories; there is basic housework and chores (Realistic), dealing with paperwork and schedules (Conventional), managing those in my household and groups I am involved with (Enterprising), and all types of unstructured creativity for various reasons (Artistic). Yet, unless I am doing things that fall into the Social Type of job personality, I am normally discontent and unmotivated to work. Thereby I tend to be more unsuccessful in what I do than being successful at it. I guess I agree with Holland's theory, then. I can do many types of work, and when it is my responsibility I will try to do my best at being faithful in whatever job I have. Yet, I am most successful and most satisfied doing jobs which are the "Social type"or at least artistic in nature, due to who I am as the person God made me to be.

Imbalanced Unbalancement

I know at times I appear to despise my life in Northern Virginia. And other times I act fully engrossed and happy with it. Rather, its generally neither, not at least fully. I am happy often. I hate it often. Sometimes I am content and sometimes I am not. My melody is one of contradiction.

Recently, I realized, I don't think its so much a hate or an enjoyment of my life here which is worth considering. Those are just the emotions I feel at the moment depending on how my life is pushing or pulling or just sitting here. I think in reality the deeper force is not so much what I feel but how balanced I am. There's the rub.

I am a firm believer in balance. Yoga lovers, PHD holders, Pastor Mike and Jimmy down at the bar, would probably all describe 'balance' differently. Even so, I think most of us feel or at least get out of control when we are unbalanced. And I venture to say, most of us are unbalanced, extremely so in many a case. I generally consider 'balance' not doing too much of one thing and too little of another. I think one should exercise their brain (not sitting watching TV all day). I think people should know what they feel, especially as it almost always effects their actions. I believe its good to eat healthy food, sleep enough, feel well and take walks and such (although being physically fit is often lowest on my priorities because I take my health for granted). I think its important to have relationships, and healthy to have alone time (Yes, even though I am an extrovert I still value alone time). And most importantly, I know the spiritual side of me needs that void constantly filled by a relationship with God, which helps everything else fall into line.

I, I am not balanced. There are many ways in which I see I am unbalanced in my life, and maybe I'll go into those another time. But yes, I think this explains a lot about my rantings and ravings. I am unbalanced. And as such, I am often discontent.

Who Is Buddha or any of those "Figures?"

I wonder what people would tell me if I asked who Buddha is. I wonder what people would tell me if I asked who Krishna is. I wonder what most Americans would say about Muhammad. But I don't really have to wonder who people in NOVA think Jesus is:



In this context Jesus is asked about as if He is a person. Typically, I think most consider the concept of Jesus as just that, a concept. An idea, a religious symbol, a philosophy. There aren't very many individuals who are the center of a belief. I consider the above mentioned people for the most part historical figures who started a way, or, a religion. And that is if I actually pull them out of the "concept" category and consider them people. But Jesus? Jesus is different, and I think He has been gotten wrong. Not only is it hard for most to think of Him as a person in the first place, but even if they do something is missing. Yes, He did start a "way," just like those other dudes. But that way is HIM. The Way is the person. Now that's a little different than those other dudes. Hum. I am content just to ponder what that really means for awhile . . . so off I go. Bye!

RE: Politics and the well-trodden path in my mind a discussion on politics always takes me down....

(This was written in response to comments in a political forum (in essence) some of my friends and I have)

I still think:

1. It would be really interesting to have all 4 people be together as co-presidents and co-vice presidents. Either that or make it into an Obama-Palin combo or McCain-Biden combo. I know, I know, that couldn't really ever happen and no one would ever agree. But can't I think the unrealistic would be exciting? Not saying I would "like it" exciting, but more so "interesting" exciting. I guess my creativity just can't help playing out in politics, also. The opportunities to mix the characters together is just irresistible, its like creating flower (or weed) bouquets. I guess its easy for me to say that as I don't particularly love any proper set of these guys, as you all probably know.
2. I still think I should make "Pro- Whatever I Believe" Buttons and sell them. Saying I had the resources to make, distribute, and effectively sell these buttons, how much do you think I could make by November if I copywrite this slogan? If anyone has a cheesy button machine I want to borrow it.....Seriously!
3. I still believe that someday the economy of the U.S.A. will REALLY actually crash. I read a great quote the other day in some big newspaper; I read it in the Times or the Post. It said something such as "You should financially start worrying when people stop trusting eachother." Of course, it was more beautifully written, but I thought it made a lot of sense. As soon as people stop thinking there is money (which would be a logical thing to think, as most people live off of credit, and as there is no actual "gold" or resource backing our money) and therefore stop trusting eachother with lending, banking, buying, etc.....we are screwed. That trust in our credit cards and loans is what keeps our economy going. Anyways, I could rant and rave about the economy again like Carrie, as I agree with her, but there is no need. I just believe we have a responsibility to God to manage our finances wisely, not to make us richer, but to pour it into building His kingdom while we actually have money we can pour into His kingdom. And trust me, we all have money we can pour into Jesus' concerns. Or even if you don't care about Jesus, you probably still think its good to care about some of His concerns.....the poor, hungry, thirsty, and sick: they still exist. They do along with all those oppressed in slavery, by governments and war, and those unjustly imprisoned. We are not assured of money in ten years, one year, or even tomorrow. But today while we have I think we should care. Wisely investing our money is not really investing into our economy, wisely investing in money is investing in people's lives. Okay, and there was that well-trodden path in my mind politics often brings me to. So don't be surprised if you hear it again *smile*

Honest Doubts 1-4

Honest Doubts: Thought 4 (God + I) Category: Religion and Philosophy Thought 4 Sometimes I wonder if the personal reality I experience of God is just a mix of the way I understand and view life with the concepts from the Bible. I think sometimes I am scared of fully understanding the Biblical God. I am not sure if I will like Him the way I like the God that I commune with daily. For me, this is a constant stretch of faith. It seems I have been in this phase of doubting God. In a way, I guess I just think that it is wise for me to question what I believe, to know what I believe and why I believe it. In fact, even if God wasn't real and I knew that, I am pretty sure that at this phase in my life I would knowingly choose to believe in Him anyways. I don't think I could let go of this just like that and without a replacement. The faith that I have in believing that there is something more to me out there who is all Good and all Big helps me not to just survive but thrive. I have no doubt that without this faith I wouldn't have life. Hence, whether God is true or not, I need Him. I need something. He makes the most logical sense of any religion. I have experienced Him on the deepest and most intimate levels. I have seen and heard of amazing supernatural things. There is so much evidence for His existence. And therefore, I have faith that God is real and applicable, and that He is my God. Still, what is my faith unless it is constantly being challenged to grow? So, these are my doubts of late which are challenging me to grow. Currently watching : French Kiss Release date: 18 January, 2000 1:13 PM - 0 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Honest Doubts: Thought 2 (God + Genocide) Current mood: confused Category: Religion and Philosophy Thought 2 The other big thing that I really don't like of late is about God and genocide. In my mind, genocide is obviously unjust. I mean, it is something that breaks my heart and in my opinion should break everyone's hearts (at least once they understand an even small amount of its horrors). Hence, God is against it, right? Yet, the only place I know it is mentioned of in the Bible is that God commanded the genocide of various peoples in the OT. Also, in the books of the prophets God often spoke very genocidally. Concerning the location for Israel, maybe the destroying of the pagan nations wasn't as much about a land for His people as that it was that these people groups were wicked. But heck, all peoples are wicked! A project that I am working on requires I have a Bible study available for my church on genocide so I was trying to write or find one on the Internet. Well, um, the only things I could find about it on the Internet were people bashing Christianity because of how God did command genocides. I need some Biblical help with this one, because I can only seem to agree that that is true. Again, how is God applicable to someone in who has faced genocide? Why would they want to trust a God who instigated genocides? And how can I talk to my activist friends about this same God? Currently listening : Waking Up By Bethany Dillon Release date: 03 April, 2007 12:47 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Honest Doubts: Thought 1 (Woman+The Bible) Current mood: annoyed Category: Religion and Philosophy Thought 1: I have been very bugged by the whole seeming "oppression" of women in the New Testament. I generally don't think of it as a big deal until I read these seemingly harsh verses that Paul writes. It makes me think he is a bastard. I have always kinda played them off as cultural, and generally, I think in someways that makes sense. This week they are getting to me, though. I mean there were women prophets and a deaconess in the New Testament, as well as other women leaders. Which in turn makes me think that Paul is just talking in, um, geometric spirals. I guess I just know of so much oppression of women, and understand the root of pain which is the foundation of feminist thought. How can I expect 'her' to experience and know God unless I can show her a God which is applicable to her life? I can understand the concept of submission to your spouse/father fine, that makes sense to me in how men and women work. Its not like God doesn't tell the husband to love His wife enough to sacrifice his all for her like Jesus has. Who wouldn't want to submit to such a good man that was laying down his every-day life for you and loving him as himself? Um, ya. I'm down with that. As I can see how this sacrifice/submission thing plays out in my own life with my husband, this doesn't bother me (not saying I just adore 'submitting' all the time, er...or ever). Yet, what I don't get is the allowance of a cultural oppression. Actually, I am not too sure what I don't get. But I know what I want. I want to really know that God really loves and wants the best for women. Jesus seems to, doubtlessly. But God as in the Father, and the other things post-Jesus in the the New Testament which lead me to be not so sure about this. Currently reading : Crusade of Tears: A Novel of the Children’s Crusade (Journey of the Souls) By C.D. Baker Release date: 25 June, 2004 12:30 PM - 1 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Honest Doubts: Thought 3 (House) Current mood: disappointed Category: Religion and Philosophy Thought 3 I have always seen God work the miraculous or give an understanding. Currently, we just found out that the house we were buying has been taken off the market and foreclosed on by the bank which was selling it. This has side-swiped me. Over a the past month and a half we have gone to a lot of work to buy this house, and the last three or so weeks it has been just shy of for sure that we were going to get it. I began packing; we were just waiting for the bank to sign. I know I am of the disposition to always get my hopes up; you would think I enjoyed being on an emotional roller-coaster of sorts. Yet, I guess I see it as impossible to suppress my glee, and almost just as impossible to hide my tears (though, I do have some practice with the later). In otherwords, I wear my heart on my sleeve where it is plainly seen; it hopes, loves and breaks with ease. I am aware that this sometimes makes my husband crazy. I know he would prefer to box my heart from pain and lower all expectations so I could never be hurt. Yet, try as he might to protect me, it just doesn't always happen. Amazingly, in spite the way I am, I have not been crushed. Of course, if I never hoped it I would not be sad at all. But I am sad. I am very sad. It was not just a house. It was THEE House. Okay, for those who have seen it, I realize, it really wasn't that "great." But between the location of it, it being in excellent condition for the scenario, the perfect size with a beautiful backyard, as well as it being the "deal of the century" (as our real estate agent deemed it).....it was Thee House. I guess what has been hard that is seemed that God's fingerprints were all over the situation, leading us here. We have prayed and sought God a lot about this particular house. As of right now, neither of us feel at peace about looking at other options. It seems we are going to pursue it until we can't anymore, running it into the ground. Which in this case means that we might be able to buy it off an auction. As it has been a depressing and disappointing thing to not get it, it had been making me think a lot about how God has been so alive in my life. Or at least I attribute it to God. I have been ludicrously blessed in my life without reason. It seems only good has ever happened to me. And when it wasn't good, God helped me understand why it wasn't, which was for the good (and felt good). So, I guess all I can do for the most part is see everything behind me through a rose-colored lens: I have been blessed amazingly, and seen both supernatural things, as well as impossibly coincidental things happen over and over and over again. Even when life wasn't perfect I still see it as if it was because God has been in it. Yet, the future isn't rose-colored. The future has no color. The future is a choice between trusting in the God I believe has made all things good, or not trusting in Him. Of course, considering the track record I have experienced, you would think it would be easy to jump off the cliff and say, sure God, whatever! But, um, no. Though I dance easily emotionally, I still think very very very much. I like to know things and am ceaselessly analyzing my world. Last year we jumped off a cliff. I knew God was taking us on a journey of trust when it came to our living arrangement. In short, because I believed God was directing us to, we decided to move. We didn't find a place, had to leave within days after changing our mind to stay, we moved in with friends, other friends moved out of their place and we moved in it. It was great to see how God came through despite all. Yet, the saga still hadn't ended and I knew it hadn't. So, we have been in phase two, I guess you could say. So now as we believed God had led the way to this place, the door has been slammed in our faces. Which is, I might say, always a little faith shaking. Not so much in the sense "But God, you said!" (because I don't know if He really said anything). More so, He hasn't led us to do anything else which is actually plausible. Buying another house, that is plausible. Buying this house on auction, that is not. And its weird. If it happens, awesome. God will look even cooler, because He did something that seemed impossible and our faith will have grown more, as well as everyone else's who has been watching (I hope). But, if that is not what happens? And those are the moments I have to trust God for understanding. Did we not hear or recognize God correctly? Or did we really just go through all of this to learn something? To get connected with that one person? It seems more thrilling to say, oh, well, maybe it is because the economy is going to crash in a few months entirely and God is saving us from a bad business deal. Or maybe God is going to lead us to move away from this area shortly. Maybe God wants to give us a better deal or a better place somehow. Those can make sense. I can understand those things. But if the economy doesn't crash, if God doesn't move us on, and if we aren't looking for another place because God hasn't led us to....then I don't understand. And this is where my faith actually has to become faith. I hate the idea of sitting here and not knowing why we aren't directed to do anything else and not understanding why this, Thee House, was pulled out from beneath us. That makes me nervous. I am afraid I might not ever understand. I am afraid God won't direct us onwards except to do nothing. That makes me feel stupid because it goes against conventional wisdom to just go back to not looking. Basically, I am afraid that I will start seeing my past not through that rose-colored lens. In otherwords, I don't want to be like the majority of the world and not see how God was there. Because that is why I believe in God. I believe because He is and was there. I would venture to say that the billions of people who have been screwed over by life have not seen how God was there. So who am I to cry a river when others are being raped, tortured, murdered, enslaved, are dying from the flu, starvation, don't have water, medicine, with their family and friends hurting all around them....people who daily have no hope? I can hardly trust God with a house or not. Yet some people I greatly respect are in these situations and still trust God. If I am ever in that place, will I still trust God? I want to so badly. I want to see, at least believe that God is working in this housing thing so that way I can once again say, "yes, God is there." He has made the past rosy once again, and no matter what goes on in the future and no matter who I meet in the future that also questions God, I can undeniably say once again that God is there. That's why God wants to look great to us, isn't it? He wants to be made more famous so that everyone will know that He is worthy of our trust and our frail love. Currently watching : The Phantom of the Opera (Full Screen Edition) Release date: 03 May, 2005

Metaphors from the Moon

Metaphors from the Moon
Category: Religion and Philosophy

I really get this. Tonight I saw the moon. It was full, glowing, bright. It was only the moon, yet I could barely look at it. Soon all these spiritual metaphors were flowing into my mind. I really should go outside more. Sometimes I wonder why I left CA, because it was warm enough there to enjoy outside even in the winter. I think I hope to move back to a warm climate. There were benefits to places like Fiji and Hawaii. I think I experienced God so much more because I surrounded myself with nature. Though I might be surrounded by four walls, my space heater and computer in this VA winter..... tonight, in my car, I was able to see God in nature.

So, going back to the spiritual metaphors....I don't think I reflect God like the moon was reflecting the Sun. But you know what? It hit me that if the moon could reflect the sun so vividly even though it is sooo not the sun, then maybe I too can reflect God. No not just dimly, but with amazing beauty and charisma. With a blinding brightness, even though its obvious I am not God (um...just like the moon isn't the sun).

Then, the I remembered years ago when one time I was sitting peering at a full moon one Valentines Day, the year before I got married. I believed God told me He was giving the moon to me. I mean, that probably sounds weird. Yet, it was the most special gift. Its like the time my mom told me before she went on a trip to remember her whenever I heard the frogs croaking out my window (not as romantic). And, I do. And now, since then, the moon is such a connection between me and God. Sometimes I am convinced He must do spectacular things with the moon just for me right when I happen to glance up. Okay, I am sure its me and everyone else. Heck, I don't care if God "gave the moon" to everyone else. He gave it to me, dang it! And not me "too" even though it is me too....but it doesn't feel like it. And isn't salvation like that? He has offered it to us humans, yet just the same, it is the most personal thing ever. And it doesn't stop there.

Moments before I saw the moon tonight I was pondering how much salvation just doesn't do it for me. I mean, it should. Yet, I know I am terrible at thinking outside of my reality. And being saved from eternal death is just not my personal reality. I don't feel and have never felt like I was going to hell. I can say "yep, I am saved, I am going to heaven." Don't get me wrong, I am glad about it. It would suck if I wasn't. But I don't "get" it. I don't FEEL it, its just a mind knowledge. So, even though being saved and all does cut it, I am sad to say that I am much too human and demanding to really "get" Christianity just because of that. I just don't think that would do it for me. But, there is something that turns me on to this deal. Its that I am daily saved, daily renewed, I have new life currently. My pastor keeps harping on the verse in John 10 where Jesus said He came to bring "life to the fullest," and for good reason. This has always been one of my favorite verses. What this verse means gives meaning to life. And I think that's why there are so many countless people who live under the title of being a Christian but don't act like it and don't live like it. They wouldn't die for Christ, because they can't daily die to themselves. Why not? Because they don't get that there is really something that we are sooo freakin' blessed to get by doing that [dying]. We have life! We can FEEL that. That hits our reality now! Salvation is not just fire control, escaping hell. Its also so much about not being burned right now. And tonight, I felt burnt.

So, I know your wondering, "um...what about the moon? Wasn't this blog supposed to be about the moon?" So, with that, here was my other spiritual metaphor I pulled out of my moon-time which encompasses the present and the future:

It was so amazing. It was a glimpse of what Heaven must be like. There were moon bows; rainbows which were surrounding tonights blinding full moon with the clouds whipping past it. And that kinda fits the description in Revelations; the throne of God surrounded by rainbows with clouds of His glory and the Spirit passing by. Wow. crazy. And for a split second I almost could "get" the reality of heaven. Maybe for the first time. It was like sneaking a peak into a window when your not supposed to know what's inside yet (which, unrelated, I did really do the other day with a flashlight and all). It was such a little amount of Glory to be seen. But "for the Glory of it all ..." (Which happened to be the David Crowder song playing at the moment) as I sat there in the car in the cold night, I was reminded I am here for the Glory of YOU (no, not you person reading this. I mean God, silly....wait, you mean its not normal for people switch from first person to second person in the middle of a paragraph? I guess not). There is purpose in my living because you are glorified and enjoy helping me through, making me better, helping me thrive when I don't feel I can survive. No, Its not a game, but its fun for you, isn't it? You like helping me out and giving me that life to the fullest. You like say "sweet, check out my resurrection power in Elisa over there!" You get a kick out of it. And with that in mind I suddenly felt the energy, the strength to go back into my house. To face my sick and crying baby. To smile at my husband and want to love and appreciate him even when I don't feel perfectly loved. To face the work that needs to be done and the life I sometimes don't always prefer but I have anyways. Why? Because I wanted to give that gift to you, God. I just understood that it would make you happy letting you have fun by filling me full of life. To let you enjoying seeing your amazing power working in my life. I think that I think you only like to do that when other people are around to see, you know, so you are more "glorified" among the masses by the cool stuff you can do in me. But you don't need an audience to be glorified. Nope. You just need me.

So, that's what I got out of the moon tonight.
2 Corinthians 1:8-9:

"[W]e were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead."

Currently listening : Remedy By David Crowder Band Release date: 25 September, 2007