What is Going in Life of Late

Life has pretty much been the same ol' same ol' here in Northern Virginia. Not that I am complaining. As usual, I have an obsession, which of late has been my FADs (Friday Adventure Day). I started a blog about these weekly adventures, adding in traveling tips for moms with little kids at www.adventureday.wordpress.com. So far, I really haven't gotten too much done. I am learning a lot about official REAL blogging (not like this personal blog here) which is a whole new set of information to me. Web design, themes, and SLO & SEO  was equivalent to SOS in my thinking when I started! Considering it was kinda throwing off my focus, I think God helped remind me that its all cool and I don't need to be obsessed. And, with that gentle reminder, I am not obsessed! I guess we will see where it ends up now, if anywhere.

Also, as is typical, I am still taking classes. I am so very ready to be done. Which is why it is especially nice that I will be done SOON- three more classes left! I have fun writing papers on poverty, justice issues, international relationships, and interpersonal relationships. I love what I learn, I just hate doing the work to learn it. This coming week I have a huge paper due on intercultural business. Fun, fun, fun! So, if I keep up with my homework after the kids are tucked in to their beds, I should graduate from Ashford University at the beginning of August. Thanks to Josh, the Hills, and Becky for getting me through this! I know I won't regret it!

And, as usual, I am still involved in my church, facilitating a Bible study, hanging out with the people in my SPHERE (and hopefully making a difference in their lives, as they often make in mine) and helping Jill out with L2F Needs Network. Within this past month I've been helping a Pakistani family settle into their new home in America after they fled religious persecution. L2F, other community members, and people in churches have almost entirely provided everything they need. Also, we collected, packed-up, and had a team deliver a bunch of stuff (baby necessities and medicine) to an area in Haiti which was very close to the earthquake epicenter, and is not very reachable to large relief organizations. Here is a cool video about it:





In addition, I have been trying to create a home-garden. Its a fun activity for us to do outside and, yes, it was my obsession just prior to the Adventure Day Blog. I think my obsessions are always semi-creative (music, cooking, blogging, painting, gardening) which might mean I can blame them on my partial artistic personality.  I am even on the map as a Triscuit Home Garden! Wow, how THRILLING! Josh has even been adding to the flowers and vegetables, by practicing his slingshot off the porch, to his targets. Okay, I guess he doesn't shoot my plants, but its nice to all have something fun to do in the same area together outdoors.


Lastly, and most importantly, I've been taking care of the kids. I like them. They are growing up. Maybe in honor of Josiah's first birthday next month I'll actually write out his birth story! He still has no teeth, but he is cruising around pretty good. He is a happy baby. Sweet little Avi is a mischievous lover of her brother. I don't even know how to begin to describe Avilynne these days. Sometimes she makes my heart melt, yet other times I just want to lock her outside of our house. She is trying very hard to speak English, repeating our pronunciation of words over and over. I am terrible at pronunciation, as is she. But, unlike me, she is improving. Here is a link to a Spring 2010 photo album of them.

As always, if you haven't, please support Thai Song, and what is going on in the makings of this awesome inspired fair-trade organization. Buying a bag, which these sweet women create from nasty trash, helps change lives! Feel free to check out and support the co-director (yes, my cousin's) blog at: http://brittanyfox.missionsplace.com

So, these are the updates on the Johnston Family of late!

Child Protection Compact Act

I was reading this blog the other day, its a good reminder how blatant human trafficking or sexual slavery can be in other parts of the world. Eastern Europe, is, sadly infamous for human trafficking:

http://www.worldvision.org/content.nsf/learn/advocacy-newsletter-201003-journal-romania?Open&et_cid=14124531&et_rid=76514601&campaign=11390512&ppi=76514601

Of course, as he notes, obviously some women choose to go into prostitution willingly. Yet, many don't, which is heart breaking. At the end of 1 Corinthians 6, the Bible says sexual acts with a prositute make you "one" with her. I don't think we want to imagine how many people a sex-slave "becomes one with" without a choice. So not only are there physical effects, but there are emotional and spiritual bondages that sex slaves endure. Now, to make this worse, many of those forced into prostitution are children.  Its easy for us to choose not to help free someone from oppression, simply because we are comfortable. Maybe we should think twice about that. The Bible doesn't teach us to be activists, but we are challenged to love others, second in importance to loving God. Here is a small oppurtunity to love someone else this week, even if these children seem just like numbers to us...........

Here is an easy way to help end child trafficking, for sexual or other purposes:

https://secure2.convio.net/wv/site/Advocacy?cmd=display&page=UserAction&id=285

(Be sure to refresh this page with your information, as its vital that your representatives know you are one of their constituents.)

Manifesto of the idle parent

Manifesto of the idle parent

• We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work
• We pledge to leave our children alone
• That should mean that they leave us alone, too
• We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born
• We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals
• We drink alcohol without guilt
• We reject the inner Puritan
• We fill the house with music and laughter
• We don't waste money on family days out and holidays
• We lie in bed for as long as possible
• We try not to interfere
• We push them into the garden and shut the door so that we can clean the house
• We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small
• Time is more important than money
• Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness
• Down with school
• We fill the house with music and merriment

Hodgkinson, T. (2008, February 16). Idle parenting means happy children. Telegraph.co.uk. Retrieved from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/familyadvice/3355719/Idle-parenting-means-happy-children.html

Sing Sweet Sunset

---—----—
(Vs.1)
Oh, how sweetly does the sunset sing
When the pitter-patter of teensy feet
Hush as though the One has come
To brush away the gentle cares
And whose smile dissolves all little fears

(Chorus)
Sing sweet sunset
Shush oh day
Let the color fade away
Sing sweet sunset
Pray, peace through dawn
Lullabies now drift us on

(Vs.2)
Oh, iris nightly falls, the laughter fades
When the're deep-in dreamland of peaceful sleep
May they know the One is near
To squelch the dark, in corners hid
And whose breath creates the vision's dreams

02/04/10

Elisa Sue Johnston

Thing's I Learned From my Night with a TV

My daughter's friend decided to ride her choo-choo train down the stairs. The result of this thrill-ride, was pain, I assume. Especially as she has spent much of the past few days in-and-out of the hospital, getting her little arm put back together again. I have been inspired to remove all "riding" toys away from staircases without baby gates.

My daughter is only friends with this little girl because I am friends with her parents. So, in actuality I should have said "My friend's daughter decided to. . . " They go to our small-group, which makes me thankful that I rather like their family. Because I am a good person I decided to offer my "babysitting" services tonight after my good friend/neighbor/family, Jill, has already babysat for them twice. Actually, I think it was more so because I was jealous that Jill would get all the credit for being a good person, and I none. If you read the Bible, you know that any such prideful motive results in no reward. Still, I didn't get nothing out of this.

I got to watch TV. The real thing. Not Hulu, my typical computer TV fare, or even watching a DVD on a TV. It was real TV where you lounge around and change channels and stuff. If you know me, you know I don't do this because we don't have a TV which is usable as a TV. If you know us well, you know that we don't want such a vile instrument of evil in our home. Or at minimum, we don't want to pay the money and are too lazy to get said vile instrument of evil working in our house. Whatever. In otherwords, don't watch TV much.

TV is a window to the world. Its a dab slower than the super-sonic internet (that we do have). Unlike the Internet, with the whole world at your fingertips, TV filters the world so you don't have overwhelming choices. You just sit there, fumble your fingers over a 'hookie' (i.e., remote control), and someone else chooses what you download into your brain. And this is what I learned from such a spectacular window on the boob-tube:

Samoa is actually a territory of the United States! Well, part of Samoa is. Recently, their economy was devastated thanks to SunKisk's corporate value system. Also, a few months ago they had an 8.1 earthquake, resulting in a small, but deadly tsunami. Poor Samoa, how did I not even know?! But they do have some good things going for them. 200 of their 500,000 people play at least division one football (which is really good, right?)! I am no mathematician, but there seems to be some major connection between football and Samoa. I got to watch a really cool haka war-dance they do for football practice warm-ups, similar to the haka I learned when in Fiji. Fjij and Samoa are relatively close, which is probably the only reason this caught my attention.

The Golden Globe Awards give awards for both TV shows, and movies. Watching them is like getting media review of the last year. After watching them I am officially current on my popular culture. I can tell you who had a funky dress, who cried, and what movies the rest of the planet considers worth seeing that maybe I should see (you know, just to keep from sounding like an idiot). I grew up in California, which is where the awards took place. Maybe this is the reason this caught my attention.

Did you know I like the name Penelope? Its so, well, confusingly fun to say. Penelope. Penelope! I think she is one of the most beautiful actresses, along with all the rest of them. Did you know Penelope Cruz is sometimes insecure? Of course! She is also very stubborn, thinks Tom Cruise is treated wrongly (we share an opinion) and grew up in the outskirts of Madrid! I was near where Penelope grew up when I was in Madrid, which is probably the reason she caught my attention.

Some dude thinks we should be happy that we can't control the weather, even though the people in Florida have frozen oranges. I too have been to Florida a really long time ago, which is probably the only reason this caught my attention. My brain is becoming a frozen orange popsicle.

Yet Haiti, Haiti caught my attention for a whole different reason, not because there was sometime I was nearby or some other frame of reference. My heart breaks for Haiti, just like I want it to for those few unheard of in Samoa who's lives were also ruined a few months ago, even if there are 1/100 of the amount of people. Although I keep up with the news, and have seen my fair-share of pictures of the disaster, I haven't really watched any TV clips of it until tonight. Watching doctors amputate appendages with saws they found and sterilized with vodka, and seeing bodies piled in the streets, being picked up by earth-movers is surreal. As always, I contemplate the horrors that others experience and cry for a thousand reasons. You might feel those reasons too, or surely we share at least one or two of the thoughts on the issue. My fear is not just that Haitians are dying without the help they need, but that those in less heard of crisis's around the globe will also suffer, as we will stop any assistance to others in need. Need is always great. There is no shortage of it.

My TV watching evening is over and I have gleaned some random knowledge, while relaxing a little and maintaining indifference to our own TV ownership (or lack thereof). Besides feeling like this is the time to proclaim my innocence, that I was not a bad babysitter as their daughter was sleeping the entire time of my stay- I should also note that in this life we can't protect ourselves forever. We try to live the good life, enjoying our TV shows, making money, havin' babies to watch TV other shows. There is nothing wrong with wanting comfort. But there is something wrong when we are so comfortable we forget to love God and love God by loving others. There is something wrong when we think we can keep ourselves from the bad things, and the unexpected things. We treat ourselves like overprotective parents, sitting in emotional and physical safety-nets while guarding our rights, our happiness, and our money (as if we deserve any of it). And maybe we do deserve it. We deserve the worst reward, comfort in this life alone. Instead, lets challenge ourselves to not just watch the world around us on our TV sets (or whatever characterizes your safety-net of comfort and relaxation). We must always be aware of the greater world around us, as lives never cease to be at stake.

He has showed you, O man, what is good.

And what does the LORD require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God.

Micah 6:8 (New International Version)

Josiah's Head Wagging

Cute kid (and man)!

Avi's Phraseology

Her new phrase of the past couple days has been "Where is kitty? Where did kitty go? I don't know!" and says it over and over again in her cute, hard to understand way.

Today when leaving Josh's friends' home, Josh asked me a question. I said "Oh, I don't care." In the backseat Avi pipped up "I care. I CARE. I CARE!!!" It was so funny; we had no clue she was even listening, why she said that, or that she even knew those words! She regularly comes up with phrases like this that send us reeling. Or, depending, we must attempt to hide our laughter so she won't be offended, confused, or be commended for something bad.

Here is another one: We had a fire going which made a popping noise, as fires do. She looked at us and declared "Fire burped! Fire, it burped!" (Please note, she also calls farting "burping." So I guess that would be a 'butt burp'? Or as she calls it, a bum. So, a 'bum burp'!).

She often jumps up and down declaring "I did it!" and "I made it!" when accomplishing minor or major, good, or not so good, feats. I credit this to my dad, her 'grampy,' who taught her how to play her fun, beloved, "mawn-key" (monkey) game on his iPhone.

When she wants to show us herself, she says "I'm me!" which she then repeats over and over again. Tonight she wrapped a towel around her waist, which I can only guess made her feel like a little princess. Either that, or she was reminiscent of the glories of taking a bath. Whatever it made her feel, she wanted us to take part in her excitement. Josh kept trying to teach her to add in "look at" but she just didn't really get it. So, if you her a little voice saying "I'm me" over and over, it really is a statement of more than just self-awareness. Its more of a 'everybody else be aware of me.'

When my parents came to visit at Thanksgiving, Avi could only say "tanks" for "thank you." We were content with that, as it was a major step-up to actually be vocalizing anything when she previously only would use baby-sign language to communicate this phrase. Yet, my dad quickly got her to say "thank you." So now she makes us melt by saying "Tank-you daddy" and "Tank-you mommy." Its one of those amazingly precious phrases that makes me think of the Grinch that Stole Christmas. How? Well, "The Grinch's heart grew 3 sizes that day . . ." and the picture that accompanies this quote must be exactly what happens to my heart each time I hear her speak her gratitude. Is this why I am a parent?

As the parental units, I am generally referred to as "mom-mom" or "mommy" while Josh is "Daddy." Sometimes we are loved and needed. Yet, other times she likes us to go away. Her "Moove mommy" has been a new one (which needs to be tempered). But we secretly laugh when she tries to push us away, saying this, so she can resume hiding under her blanket, or in the cupboard so she can secretly suck on Josiah's "pass"(pacifier) or take care of her business. The other day she didn't want to go home, so I tried to bribe her with being able to see Josh. Although this normally works, this time she replied with "no, no daddy" and a few minutes later she added to this with "no, no titol" (tickle) multiple times.

She rarely outright says "no!" anymore. I am so grateful for this as when she previously did so it made me crazy. Now she always says "no, no" as if she is wagging a finger at her students in her one-room school house.

She continues to call Josiah "buddy" though she also refers to him as "Boder" (brother). Others are generally "People." A few weeks back she used her classic phrase, as she does countless times throughout the day, "wat is TAT?" while pointing to a group of kids in a parking lot. I told her that those were teenagers, that they were "people." Since then she refers to most others as either a "fwind" (friend) or a people. So, its not uncommon to here "Its a people!"

These are some of her phrases, mannerisms and words. Of course, this barely scratches the surface of Avi-speak, but it will have to do for tonight. So, in Avi-speak I bid you "nite-nite, fwind," while offering you a kiss with smacking lips and protruding tongue.

Parenting: Step one

Something I've been thinking about a lot of late is my parenting goals. Its no secret that Avilynne has totally embraced the infamous Terrible Two's, for anyone who has been around her for a few hours (or minutes, sometimes). Yes indeed, before her actual birthday she threw all sweet innocent babyhood out the window and started livin' it up with drunken sippy-cup binges, screaming, head-banging tantrums and total self-absorption, manipulating the very adults she flirts with regularly. To me, the early dawn of the Terrible Two's feels greatly unfair. A month, let alone a day extra of a toddler with this disease is one too many. But who am I joking? Its not like I was preparing for this although I have been thoroughly warned. Who is ever prepared to find out their child is diagnosed with a terminal illness, even if you are warned?

Of course, that might seem like an exaggeration. Yet, in a since its not, spiritually speaking. The Terrible Two's just might be that reminder to us that our child is not the perfect concoction of our blissful marital love; instead its a little human that is also a little sinner. One time when Avi was acting up my husband sweetly looked at me and declared that those were our genes acting up in her (well, that's my paraphrase). We passed on our least favorable DNA: we fall short of perfection (and typically pretty far from it). I am obviously not a believer in the inherent goodness of mankind. Truly, no biologist, or physiologist who has ever had a two-year old can actually believe that load of crap, can they? All to say, the Bible says that all have sinned, or stated in a way that makes more since- we all are selfish, self-serving and self-focused at our core. Even psychology testifies to this, with the id and the ego and all that jazz. Oh yes, of course we can try to be good and can be successful. But that just isn't going to cut it.

And my daughter makes this truth self-evident. You want to know what she did on my birthday? Yes, my happy birthday!? She threw about fifteen temper-tantrums in the middle of quiet bookstore, and then ran across the store into the joining Starbucks! Some lady came out asking people throughout Barnes and Noble if the kid belonged to them! That was the second time that hour she ran off into oblivion. One time they had to close down part of a store to look for her. Then she was terrorizing Josiah, throwing the merchandise, and somehow I was supposed to carry her, my son, and all our stuff out of the store into the rain, leaving my unpaid for items and coffee behind? Really, I am not giving this story justice by providing you with details. I'll spare you but do know, it was MISERABLE! I wanted to spank her into the next county yet instead I stood there, tantrum after another wishing my child was better-behaved, that people would look on me with grace rather than the contempt they were showing, while desperately wishing I had five more hands and a plug to shove in her mouth. This is not an unusual situation I have found myself in either. Don't misunderstand me, Avi is a wonderful darling. She is a mysterious, exciting and a bubble of joy. But she is also Bad. Very very bad. Yes, her behavior can be bad, but there is something within her that is off too. The same something in all of us that is off which makes us so in need of God, so in need of love and grace amidst consequences and discipline we call life. So, by the grace of God parents everywhere have kindly been given the Terrible Two's as a year to train up our kids so they won't live in those Terrible Two's their whole life long. Or at least to remind us that we sure need some help as parents before we go insane. It happens, you know.

I steam like a pressure cooker that has been sitting on the boiling flame of household affairs. Sometimes I feel like I am about to burst, and the facade of the gentle mother I pretend to be is quickly melting off thanks to my semi-sweet children (semi-sweet like chocolate chips). Hence I've started hitting the books. Yep, I'm asking for advice, watching others intently, discussing ideas and gleaning from the knowledge of those more experienced or more educated on the subject: PARENTING. I am convinced the Terrible Two's were created by God to remind us that producing offspring means more than shoveling food down the pipe while occasionally wiping dirty noses and dirty bums (although that is important too). They are a reminder that we need a lot of help, and that our responsibility is greater than just what is on the outside.

Believing these two truths are, from my inexperienced and unprofessional opinion, the first place to start: that my children actually do need parenting due to their selfish human nature coupled with the fact that my spouse and I are the ones called to parent them (after all, I birthed them which was quite the experience, let me tell ya). If I have a beginning point to recognize what the heck is happening everyday I can move on from there. Yep, there is a kid and I am, what, supposed to parent? I know that might be overly simplistic for some, yet this simplicity really does drive me deeper because it acknowledges the responsibility I have.

Parenting is like being given an empty computer hard drive which already has a virus (if that's possible) that we are responsible for programing. Unfortunately, it doesn't even matter if we are good with computers or not! We get to program a operating system anyway, a worldview complete with a culture, value-system, and basic survival skills in order for it to function (and hopefully go beyond just functioning in our world to being successful). Which brings me to my questions of today which made me start on this subject in the first place: What defines successful parenting? What defines a successful child? What are my parenting goals? So maybe, if I get around to it, I'll continue hashing out parenting with these wonderings in mind. Parenting: Step Two.

Thinks I Like Recently

Some newer photos of Josiah:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=159165&id=521107253&l=d3824ab331


An awesome effort, my favorite cousin is up to:

http://brittanyfox.missionsplace.com/




A very well-written, humorous blog I have been following for parents. Its a great perspective which reminds me I am not alone:

http://momastery.blogspot.com




Cocompletely real, very funny, slightly vulgar post about a Washing Machine and sleep deprived motherhood:

http://dooce.com/2009/08/28/containing-capital-letter-or-two




Issues going on in the world of human trafficking of late:


http://www.ungift.org/ungift/en/stories/human-traffickers-exploit-economic-crisis-redoubled-prevention-efforts-urgently-needed-.html

A Social Problem: Stay-At-Home-Parent

This is one of the short essay discussions I did a couple weeks ago for the current class I am in, Social Problems in the workplace (SOC 402). Please note that for reading ease, I used the term "mom" but this would really apply to any male or female caretaker and guardian who does not work outside the home. This post is not intended to prove that this job is harder than any other or better than any other. It is only intended to bring awareness to that fact that being a stay-at-home caretaker is a difficult task which can be improved with society's help.

A Social Problem is defined by Lauer and Lauer as ". . . one whose causes and solutions lie outside the individual and immediate environment" (2008). Although being a Stay-at-home parent is not technically a paid job, anyone who has done it before can assure you that it is a very real job none-the-less. I became a Stay-at-home-mom because I didn't have a career job outside the home. It was not worth it for me to work because of the child-care/traveling/income differences just were not logical. I could work, but would it be worth it to have someone else raise my child, instilling their values and not necessarily able to give them the attention they might thrive in, just so I could have a couple thousand extra dollars a month I can do without (if even that much)? Although I often wish I could work part-time outside the home, I was content with this decision when we made it.

Now I am not so sure I am as content with this job. Why? Well, let's just say if I worked for a company in this job, I probably would have quit by now. I consider it a social problem because, firstly, it is a relational job. There is great social responsibility on my shoulders including taking care of kids/spouse, managing a household in which must respond to the repairman, teachers, insurance companies, etc..., and socially expected to act in certain ways towards people I should be involved with (such as volunteering, church, neighborhood, other moms, contacting family, etc...). I am my own manager in my own start up business. This "business," The Johnston Estate, does not make money in itself, but I keep it running smoothly so my husband, the bread-winner, can do so.


A large portion of America's children are raised by a family member who does not work. I read an article the other day, telling mom's to ask for help, that they weren't meant to raise their children alone. It was kinda going with the "it takes a village" theme, encouraging mothers to not be afraid of having their parents, in-laws, relatives, friends, and neighbors take some of the load. I thought that was sweet. Sweet and totally not possible. After all, who can I ask to "take my load?" With change in the economy and business, the workforce has moved to where there are jobs, whether it be in the city or the other side of the country. Extended family and life-long local friends don't always follow each other around, let alone life-long acquaintances like your pastor and dentist. My community has a population of 60,000; it is a community which didn't even exist as more than a few small farms 15 years ago. Very rarely do I meet anyone is from here. East-coast Americans do not typically sit on eachother's front porches drinking lemonade together, and neither do they ask the other neighbors for help if they have even met. I am luckily to live on a street which defies this status-quo, but its abnormal. I have a close church-family in my area too. Yet, for the typical mom in my area, there is no one.

All to say, I am aware of many moms who struggle with the difficulties of the task that is expected of them when help is just not there. Its easy for moms to become so stressed mentally and tired physically that they start to become less-than-mediocre in their childcare, and on occasion flat-out terrible parents. Or others deal with extreme depression due to being overworked, so much so they are not able to handle any other difficulties in life. I know a few moms who are suicidal because of the pressures they have on them, most which are not their fault. I also know many couples who have become separated for the same reasons, having too much to manage and without a local support network. These are not solely just personal problems, although the individual really can do more to help themselves. Yet these problems will not go away unless there is social help.

So, what makes this job so difficult? I might get help at my job from my spouse or friends, but I do not have time off (except when scheduled with my husband or babysitter for a few hours here and there). I work most of 24x7 hours a week. Although there are moments in my job I am able to sleep (like a firefighter can, still on alert for the siren to go off). Sometimes my job is very fun and enjoyable. But, can you imagine if your boss at XYZ INC. required you to work over 150 hours a week?

Monotony is another major issue. I do the same thing almost everyday. It can get very boring. I listen to my baby cry and my daughter babble mostly unintelligible words throughout the day. This is anything but stimulating. I can improve this situation by getting involved in as much as I can or trying to use any freer-time for stimulating activity. Yet still, there are days when I can't get out or do anything I find stimulating. In general, not having goals set from outside can be hard. Days, weeks, months turn into years and nothing changes much.

At a typical job, management gives incentives. You are rewarded with bonuses, pay-increases, have performance reviews, and often have general encouragement, and feedback. As a mom, you often only get negative feedback (Your screaming child does not say "thanks mom for changing my blow-out again" while the dirty floor and piles of laundry testify that you are a failure). Your spouse might encourage and thank you but that is not a guarantee, and it might not be often enough. There is little recognition for the countless tasks you do all day.


Awareness needs to be increased of the challenges of stay-at-home parenting through the media, as well as encouragement for those with careers to look at us as equal members of society (besides grandma talking about it at Thanksgiving dinner). From most of what I see, being a working parent is what is glamorized. I often feel that other people think something is wrong with me because I choose to stay at home. Maybe I am lazy, not able to handle working a real job and being a mom (Which is why those who work have daycare, its not like they can do it all either). Or others just assume I am not smart, educated, and underclass. It is true that I am just shy of receiving my Bachelor's degree yet, and it would be hard for me to find a high-paying job to make it worth me working outside the home. Yet, even if I did I know I would still be staying at home with my kids, at least until they are in school and I could work part-time elsewhere. Besides, the fields I enjoy working in the most are generally within the non-profit sector in which I would still not be able to make it worth it to pay for childcare from a financial perspective. Or on the other hand a stay-at-home mom can also both be looked at as too traditional or too hoity-toity, like a country club yuppie. Funny how all these perspectives of a stay-at-home mom of little children do not logically fit together. Can I be undereducated, poor, rich, snobby, and uber-traditional at the same time? Apparently. I don't consider myself uneducated, snobby, or having characteristics worthy of discrimination. Yet, the Stay-at-home is often looked at oddly. I guess this is typical to encounter some prejudice, as most are partial and skeptical of anything outside of their experience.

Ways to ease this social problem can first start with the spouses. Ideally, spouses should try to balance the workload rather than just using their off-work time for their own pleasure. The mom, whether working or not generally takes care of the lump of the household and childcare for whatever reason. The more the husband can help, I have no doubt the more he will like who his wife is as relieved of burden. Also, local friends and family members can exchange favors, taking turns watching eachother's kids. Although meeting trustworthy people is difficult when you are in a new place, challenging yourself to join a moms group, a church, and other organizations along with going out of your way to introduce yourself to neighbors and other moms at the park can go a long way. Even increasing encouragement in all forms is probably the best way to help us moms, especially moms with little children.

Communities/towns themselves, along with local organizations and churches should really go to greater effort to make support networks. Or if there already are, have ways to contact moms who are so secluded and depressed they don't look for help themselves. Catchy yet simple mailers, signs, door-to-door invites, or even articles in the HOA magazine can all be effective. Although this seems ridiculous to even myself, could the communities provide free quality babysitting services once a week for stay-at-home parents? Yes, that is ridiculous. But I know having babysitting services in my community are very appreciated. A local grocery store offers has a childcare center in it for those who are shopping. Our HOA provides very low-cost babysitting at our gym, something which many gyms in our area do. A break from your children for even just an hour can be a life-saver sometimes. I wish there was a way I could have my children be watched long-enough to get some paperwork done, take a nap, or have some time to just breath. Or even cooking a meal, or sharing the responsibility with another family is an amazing blessing. I am so thankful to my friends and spouse who give me this on occasion. Giving moms a little more help a long the way might be cheaper than waiting until they go crazy and have to take their kids from them. This might sound extreme, but I know that this is actually a reality for some moms who are not handling the pressure very well.

In conclusion, Stay-at-home mothering is a job in itself, with challenges and difficulties. Some of these can be eased by outside help. If you have the ability to help a mom with small children, on their behalf, I ask you to please do so. Often the mom is in denial that she needs help, so don't give her generic offers like "ask me for help sometime" because if you do it is almost guaranteed that she will not ask. Yet offer specifics instead. Offer to babysit a certain day so she can grab a coffee and read a book for an hour, ask her family for dinner a specific night of the week, or tell her you will come over at 11 a.m. the next day to talk with her while folding laundry. Do these things and you will make a very frazzled woman sigh and she will probably even give you a genuine smile.


References:

Lauer, R., & Lauer, J. (Eds.). (2008). Social Problems and the Quality of Life (11th ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill.

PhilD41. (2009, August 12). Life Support for the Stay-At-Home-Mom. Hubpages. Retrieved August 12, 2009, from http://hubpages.com/hub/Stay-At-Home-Mother?utm_source=fb&utm_campaign=newsfeed

The Targeted Objective

I went to Target the other day. Ironically, I was thrilled about going, although I knew deep down in the pit of my stomach that it would be a terrible disaster, as most prolonged shopping trips toting two tiny tots become. I know buying things shouldn't make one happy, but I have to say, the act of getting out of the house does make me happy. Sadly, in NOVA, the only locations a person toting the tiniest of kids can 'successfully' go to (at least on a rainy day) are only places you buy crap at (i.e., stores).

I planned well; I would try to quickly get the "essential" items done with and save browsing for what else I needed for later. Just in case. One of my main objectives was to get a wedding present for a couple we know. Yet, when I finally checked through the line, I realize I completely fell-short of reaching that main objective. Apparently the myriad of soap, juice, and toys around me forced me to forget. Mind you, so far I actually had successfully made it through the shopping trip. Of course Avi was hungry, tired and whinny while Josiah was on the verge of waking up hungry. But, I although I stood on the verge of said cliff, we had not yet fallen off. In fact, hungry children could maybe be used for my benefit: I could let Avi eat and scribble while I would fed Josiah in the adjacent food area. During these precious moments I could attempt to relax, sip my coffee contentedly and possibly even be able to read a few lines in my book! Yet such daydreams never last long enough. I woke up to the cashier handing me a receipt who's total did not include that all-important present. And, there were unhappy children in my cart.

Did this deter me? Oh no, I was in denial, not following wisdom's whisper. I still thought I could make it to that possibly relaxing dream in the stupid food court. So quickly I got their registry list, found something on it and a few other random things which I could make into a fun present, and went back to the check out.

Well, actually, it took me forever to find their registry for some odd reason. I am not too sure if it was because I was just not smart enough to know the names of my friends, or if it was because Avi kept running behind the return counter in hopes of playing it off as an employee to get a paycheck. And, "quickly" finding stuff wasn't as quick as quick is actually defined. To be more accurate, I would say that we moved faster than two kids and I generally do. Which, you can imagine, is not exactly quick or fast. So, by the second time at checkout, Josiah is screaming. Avi keeps running and disappearing down the aisles. Or she is throwing a tantrum while flinging herself out of the shopping cart (it doesn't help that she knows how to unbuckle her strap and has no fear of falling). In other words, I was the lady with THOSE kids. Whose kids really just needed some sleep, food, and in the case of the older one, maybe a good spanking.

To my dismay, the registry item kept showing up as not on the registry and as more expensive. While going "quickly" through the store the second time, I did take a moment to double check that I had the right thing. And the checkout lady also thought it was right, as we re-read the item description multiple times. Eventually we realized that I did get the right thing but the wrong size. You can imagine that at this moment I felt extreme dismay. Luckily, while noting my unhappy feelings, a profound idea hit me: to my left, hanging in perfect rows, were lovely plastic cards. Right then gift cards seemed like an answer from heaven to a question I refused to ask.

After all, I could have gotten them a gift card the first time I realized I missed my targeted objective at Target. I was bitter because I was so excited to give a REAL present of fun stuff; I had a creative idea for one! But I got them a gift card. And everyone was happy: My screaming children stopped screaming shortly afterwards, as I gave them food. My kids were happy, as were the people around us having to hear my kids cry. The newlyweds were probably even more happy with a gift card than actual presents. Everyone was happy but me. Go figure. Suck it up Elisa! One moment less of creativity on my part brought peace and happiness to many. These are the times I get what it means to put others interests before your own. But I wouldn't be surprised if I find myself in almost an identical situation next week. I easily fall into denial that everyone can't do what I want them too : )

FourThings I Recently Like

Understanding Stay-At-Home Moms:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Stay-At-Home-Mother?utm_source=fb&utm_campaign=newsfeed

Inglehart-Welzel Cultural Map of the World

These kids, this week.

Avi:

My darling little girl-

• Handed me a living flying ant she was apparently playing with.
• Decorated our banister by laying pens down on it, in a neat row.
• Decorated her arms with a permanent marker.
• Rearranged all the furniture in the living room she could (chairs, stools, rocking horse)
• Strep culture was negative! Yey!
• Figured out how to climb up the play gym in our backyard to slide down.
• Obeyed me! She was totally disobeying me multiple times. Finally I made her look at me directly and told her she was in big trouble if she didn't listen with my stern facial expression. She looked like she was thinking about it, could tell I was unhappy, and actually did what I asked! Discipline DOES pay off!
  
• Is getting good at telling us when she needs to do her number 2, but hates us actually doing something about it.
• Is ridiculously cute, good and naughty!
  

Josiah:

My handsome five week old-

• Has regularly been waking up every 2.5-4 hours at night, much more often than he had been doing. He also seems to believe 6am is wake up time. I am going to have to re-educate him on the way this household works! 9am, baby!
  
• Has become chubby in the last 1.5 weeks....He has rolls now on his arms and legs!
• Looks more like a 2.5 month old (to me, at least)
• Has been smiling a ton! He gets in these happy moments where he smiles like crazy.
  
• He likes to whine his way to sleep.

Avi Loves. . . (@21 & 1/2 Months)

hats
praying
family hugs
being swung by her arms
ice
water
playing with neighbors
stacking blocks
pretending to garden
playing chase + tickle
peep!

New Photos

Hi! I have finally gotten around to putting up some photos from Josiah's almost first full month of life. Check them out:

Josiah (First Month)

Adjustment

"You are a beautiful daisy. You have many tiny seeds. They are the future. Your children are your 1st mission field. You are a world changer and a diaper changer . . ."
~A Mothering Friend

I have been marveling that my fingernails are a millimeter long. I don't think they've been that long since I was four. Too busy to bite or pick. Hallelujah.

Today was AMAZINGLY beautiful outside. In general, it has been a wonderful world outdoors. My irises are blooming. It never ceases to amaze me that plants spring up from the ground out of no life and become bright shades of colors. Abet, mostly green. I just love color.

Josiah is a week old today. He did not like his first sponge bath. He is a handsome sleepy little man. But when he is awake he is takes the world in with alertness and softness. I like him a lot. He eats 2-3 hours around the clock, though at night sometimes he will do 3.5 hours. I long for the day when he will sleep through the night.

Avi is handling the new little brother well. She calls him "I-ah" and always tells him "hi" with great amounts of exuberance. She also likes to kiss him (i.e., try to crawl up on, or tackle without grace while extending pouting lips). Yet, she has also been very whinny and more tandtrumish. There is an aspect of jealousy for her mommy and daddy. Actually, she is probably getting more attention in general, though, with both of us at home, and daddy having to take care of her more when I am with "I-ah."

I am healing great, though I have been having alot of neck and back pain and its also difficult to walk or climb stairs. My milk is starting to settle into normalcy, and in general, my body is adjusting much better with this second baby. Josh has been having to stay home, in large part, mainly to help me carry Avi as I can't carry her or Josiah in his carrier. Hopefully my body will continue healing well this week, and I'll start to know how to handle two kids plus the household well enough so that He can go back to working at work.

Emotionally, I haven't been as "well." I was crying every five minutes by day three. Thankfully, the minutes between tears has been growing exponentially, and I do believe I haven't even cried one time today. So far. Thankfully Josh seems to have decided its one of his main goals to help me see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I think I am starting to. We WILL adjust, and we WILL survive, even thrive with two kids! In a few months I'll surely be so ecstatic about how well we are doing that I'll want to become pregnant again, asap! Okay, maybe that last one is more like the light of a train coming to smash me at the end of the tunnel than just the glow of the happy sun. But generally, I think my eyes are starting to focus more on the joy of this life-change as opposed to sleep deprivation and how overwhelming everything feels. Anyways, surely I'll forget that "we WILL adjust" in a couple minutes and start crying again, but hey, its a process.

Our Baby Boy is Born!

Hello! Our baby boy has been born!

At:
INOVA Loudoun Hospital Birthing Inn
In:
Lansdowne, Virginia
On:
May 11th, 2009
At the Time of:
3:57 p.m.
Weighing:
8 lbs. 1 oz.
Length:
19.5 inches long

And His Name Is:

Josiah Cory Michael Johnston

"The Lord gives his people strength.
The Lord blesses them with peace."
Psalm 29:11



(Labor progression Chart)

No Little Man Yet

Today is Friday. The eighth. That, mind you, means it is three days past my due-date. Three days beyond the hoped for day. Three days more of carrying a huge mass inside. Could I get used to being pregnant eternally? Possibly. But it would be far from preferred. Three days might not sound like much. But, if you've been very immensely pregnant before you know how much that is. Avi was two days late, and although she was late, I was in labor from the end of her due date. In otherwords, I knew she was coming. Yet now, although little Johnny John Johnston still could enter this world tonight, I have no clue. I just wait. I wait biggly.

Who lied to us in the first place, declaring pregnancy to be only nine months? They sure seem evil, whoever they are! 40/4 really does equal 10. Ten months, yep. I CAN do math (sometimes). Of course, that isn't exactly counting those funky 5 week months, but who counts those when you are measuring in weeks anyways? They just want us to feel like its less time so we don't go crazy earlier. That way we are already nine months along (36 weeks) before we realize we actually have another month (at least) to go. And by then, the baby could be born at 37 weeks and we think "I can do one just more week!" And then the baby isn't born, so we think, "well, maybe this week...." and then its "well maybe next week..."etc.... Its kinda mean that they give us about 5 weeks we can deliver in. Five whole weeks of uncertainty and hope, of it being just dandy if that baby comes at any time. By the time the due date comes you've been thinking, "heck! I could have had this baby 3 weeks ago already!" Then who in blue blazes is going to want to stick around until week 42? No one! Nadie!

So, of course they will induce me on Monday if he still hasn't appeared. But I do not prefer that. I would prefer his body, my body, and whatever hormones that need to get going to create that perfect cocktail to kick this process into gear. I want those hormones to pour through out my veins crying "May-day, May-day . . . Free little human up! Free big mama up!" Or whatever those hormones say to get this going.

Honestly, there is so much to be thankful for. From having multiple nights left of good sleep, to having more time with my husband, daughter, my mom, and my good friends before baby is born. I have had to rest this week, which has driven me crazy doing so little, but its been good for me. Josh finished his class and final and has been able to not have to worry about that for a few days while baby still hasn't come. I've tried all those natural methods to get little guy out, and he is stubbornly set in (well not caster oil-yuck!). So in the meantime my skills in patience have been forced to grow, along with my trust in God that His timing is better than mine. After all, I probably would have had him at week 37 if it was my choice. So, in the meantime I still wait. I try not to be bitter as I wait. I try to happily wait being content in all situations. Em-hum. Cough. On that note, maybe I should take another walk and eat more pineapple now. Later!


(Video of Avi sliding)

Avi at Twenty Months

Avilynne is now 20 months old. Whats new with her?

Avi can point to her:
-nose
-eye
-ear
-mouth
-hands
-feet
-belly (or baby)

Avi can say (That I can recognize):
-Nose
-Eye
-No
-Tractor
-Three, two, one! (she tries at least)
-Juice
-Hi
-All done
-Ball
-Book
-Balloon
-Strawberry
-More
-Mama/mommy
-Dada/daddy
-Jill
-DebDeb
-Repeats other names we
say (joyjoy, faith, stacy, grandma)
-Say her vowels in Spanish from the rhyme "a, e, i, o, u el burro sabe mas que tu"

Avi can sign:
-All done
-Yes
-Thank you
-More
-Food/eat
-Drink
-Hi/bye

Avi makes noises for these animals when she sees them:
-doggies
-kitties
-pigs (sounding semi demonic)
-cows
(And repeats our noises for these when we point to pictures of them):
-ducks
-birds
-snakes
-bears
-lions/tigers
-bees
-horses


Avi can:
-Blow her nose
-Smell things (candles, flowers, candy).
-Follow many of our commands (picking things up, handing things to us, throwing things away, going up or down the stairs, "Be gentle," etc...)
-Is aware of her bodily functions (Which she acknowledges verbally)
-Try to wash her hair/body, brush her teeth/hair, and put clips in her hair
-Understand a whole lot more that I give her credit for!
-Dance and move to the music pretty decently.
-Run like a girl.....wagging her hips and putting her arms out funny- oh my.
-Try to work it!

Avi likes to:
-Say hi to almost everyone.
-Flirt with men (and women too, but especially men).
-Kiss pictures of people. Most notably the construction workers, emergency workers, and babies in a books we have.
-Stick her fingers in her ear and sing when she is done eating at the table.
-Whine or yell when she doesn't get her way.
-Answer most questions with"no" (Ex."Do you like to obey daddy and mommy?" "no!")
-Sing notes (and now we are starting to recognize songs)
-To eat chocolate, but not too many other deserts. She likes chips.
-Be tickled!
-Play with her ball and look at her books with us.
-Go outside to explore and observe the world.
-Take baths and in general, just to play in water.
-Say "cheese" when she sees a camera while making a silly grin.
-Play with the neighbor kids and kids at church.
-Make a lot of noise and yell in the car (especially if its been more than 20 minutes).
-Try to get away with touching the computer and climbing on the couch arms/back.
-Play with the metal dish scrubbers for whatever reason.
-Run REALLY far away in stores. She doesn't have qualms about being far away from me.
-Have anything to do with shoes. She likes to find them, put on hers, put on yours (on you and her), chew on them, move them . . . She is pretty much obsessed with shoes. Oh no.

Preggo Update

I am still pregnant. I am trying not to be jealous, as my friend had her baby a week early today. Yesterday, a woman I know had her baby three weeks early (she was due after me). And, another friend of mine might get to have her's early too even though she is due a week after me (although, that is because she might have to get a c-section of which I am really NOT jealous of). I am out! Or probably not, as I will have this baby by the 11th of May at the utmost latest (according to my Doctor). And, it is much more likely I will go before May 5th, as this is my second baby. Really, if I am jealous, I am jealous of possibly two weeks less of being able to sleep through the night. There is no reason I should hurry away my sleep- I love sleep! So thank you God I still haven't had this baby because that means one more night of peace!

I have been feeling very out of sorts all weekend: jittery, heart-pounding, somewhat nauseous, trouble focusing with my eyes (And my mind!), extremely swollen feet/legs (which went away as I laid down a lot), and a slight to extremely bad headache. In case you don't know, these all happen to be the most common symptoms for preclampsia, a high blood pressure issue that happens in pregnancy which is very dangerous. I get symptoms like these with my migraines, too, though, which makes me skeptical I actually have a problem going on. Generally, though, my migraines follow a pattern that is pretty distinguished, unlike how I felt this weekend. So, as to avoid being sent to the hospital to get checked out (which I knew would happen if I called the Dr.), I took my blood pressure at those little booths in the pharmacy sections at grocery stores. It said my blood pressure was higher than typical, but it wasn't crazy. Hence, I continued sleeping or laying down very pathetically most of the weekend.

So, this morning I called the Dr. when the office opened. Sure enough, they wanted to see me. They did the typical tests, the blood pressure, pee-test, checked the baby's heart rate, etc... For the most part, it was all well. But, of course, little did I know but you can still have preclampsia and it only show up in blood work. And besides, I shouldn't be feeling this way, so they should monitor the baby. Hence, despite all my work to avoid the hospital, guess where they sent me? Yep! So, after calling around, finding someone to watch Avi (thank you Becky!) I got to be tested all over again in the hospital the rest of the morning and early afternoon. And, nope, nothing amiss with my blood work and the baby happily kicked its way through an hour of being monitored. Actually, it was somewhat relaxing, which was good because otherwise I surely would have been chasing Avi wishing I could go back to bed. I am not complaining. I am just slightly annoyed I had to go through that for nothing. Conclusion: my blood pressure is a little higher than normal, yet I do not have preclampsia. Take Tylenol and if my headache persists, please call the Doctor again (yey, so we can do the whole process one more time!).

I am still one centimeter dilated and the baby's head is still "whoa! Its right down there, I can feel it!" (according to my nurse practitioner). So, at 38 weeks, I am the same as I was last week, minus the extreme energy and feeling mostly crappy.