What is Going in Life of Late

Life has pretty much been the same ol' same ol' here in Northern Virginia. Not that I am complaining. As usual, I have an obsession, which of late has been my FADs (Friday Adventure Day). I started a blog about these weekly adventures, adding in traveling tips for moms with little kids at www.adventureday.wordpress.com. So far, I really haven't gotten too much done. I am learning a lot about official REAL blogging (not like this personal blog here) which is a whole new set of information to me. Web design, themes, and SLO & SEO  was equivalent to SOS in my thinking when I started! Considering it was kinda throwing off my focus, I think God helped remind me that its all cool and I don't need to be obsessed. And, with that gentle reminder, I am not obsessed! I guess we will see where it ends up now, if anywhere.

Also, as is typical, I am still taking classes. I am so very ready to be done. Which is why it is especially nice that I will be done SOON- three more classes left! I have fun writing papers on poverty, justice issues, international relationships, and interpersonal relationships. I love what I learn, I just hate doing the work to learn it. This coming week I have a huge paper due on intercultural business. Fun, fun, fun! So, if I keep up with my homework after the kids are tucked in to their beds, I should graduate from Ashford University at the beginning of August. Thanks to Josh, the Hills, and Becky for getting me through this! I know I won't regret it!

And, as usual, I am still involved in my church, facilitating a Bible study, hanging out with the people in my SPHERE (and hopefully making a difference in their lives, as they often make in mine) and helping Jill out with L2F Needs Network. Within this past month I've been helping a Pakistani family settle into their new home in America after they fled religious persecution. L2F, other community members, and people in churches have almost entirely provided everything they need. Also, we collected, packed-up, and had a team deliver a bunch of stuff (baby necessities and medicine) to an area in Haiti which was very close to the earthquake epicenter, and is not very reachable to large relief organizations. Here is a cool video about it:





In addition, I have been trying to create a home-garden. Its a fun activity for us to do outside and, yes, it was my obsession just prior to the Adventure Day Blog. I think my obsessions are always semi-creative (music, cooking, blogging, painting, gardening) which might mean I can blame them on my partial artistic personality.  I am even on the map as a Triscuit Home Garden! Wow, how THRILLING! Josh has even been adding to the flowers and vegetables, by practicing his slingshot off the porch, to his targets. Okay, I guess he doesn't shoot my plants, but its nice to all have something fun to do in the same area together outdoors.


Lastly, and most importantly, I've been taking care of the kids. I like them. They are growing up. Maybe in honor of Josiah's first birthday next month I'll actually write out his birth story! He still has no teeth, but he is cruising around pretty good. He is a happy baby. Sweet little Avi is a mischievous lover of her brother. I don't even know how to begin to describe Avilynne these days. Sometimes she makes my heart melt, yet other times I just want to lock her outside of our house. She is trying very hard to speak English, repeating our pronunciation of words over and over. I am terrible at pronunciation, as is she. But, unlike me, she is improving. Here is a link to a Spring 2010 photo album of them.

As always, if you haven't, please support Thai Song, and what is going on in the makings of this awesome inspired fair-trade organization. Buying a bag, which these sweet women create from nasty trash, helps change lives! Feel free to check out and support the co-director (yes, my cousin's) blog at: http://brittanyfox.missionsplace.com

So, these are the updates on the Johnston Family of late!

Manifesto of the idle parent

Manifesto of the idle parent

• We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work
• We pledge to leave our children alone
• That should mean that they leave us alone, too
• We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born
• We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals
• We drink alcohol without guilt
• We reject the inner Puritan
• We fill the house with music and laughter
• We don't waste money on family days out and holidays
• We lie in bed for as long as possible
• We try not to interfere
• We push them into the garden and shut the door so that we can clean the house
• We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small
• Time is more important than money
• Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness
• Down with school
• We fill the house with music and merriment

Hodgkinson, T. (2008, February 16). Idle parenting means happy children. Telegraph.co.uk. Retrieved from http://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/familyadvice/3355719/Idle-parenting-means-happy-children.html

Josiah's Head Wagging

Cute kid (and man)!

Avi's Phraseology

Her new phrase of the past couple days has been "Where is kitty? Where did kitty go? I don't know!" and says it over and over again in her cute, hard to understand way.

Today when leaving Josh's friends' home, Josh asked me a question. I said "Oh, I don't care." In the backseat Avi pipped up "I care. I CARE. I CARE!!!" It was so funny; we had no clue she was even listening, why she said that, or that she even knew those words! She regularly comes up with phrases like this that send us reeling. Or, depending, we must attempt to hide our laughter so she won't be offended, confused, or be commended for something bad.

Here is another one: We had a fire going which made a popping noise, as fires do. She looked at us and declared "Fire burped! Fire, it burped!" (Please note, she also calls farting "burping." So I guess that would be a 'butt burp'? Or as she calls it, a bum. So, a 'bum burp'!).

She often jumps up and down declaring "I did it!" and "I made it!" when accomplishing minor or major, good, or not so good, feats. I credit this to my dad, her 'grampy,' who taught her how to play her fun, beloved, "mawn-key" (monkey) game on his iPhone.

When she wants to show us herself, she says "I'm me!" which she then repeats over and over again. Tonight she wrapped a towel around her waist, which I can only guess made her feel like a little princess. Either that, or she was reminiscent of the glories of taking a bath. Whatever it made her feel, she wanted us to take part in her excitement. Josh kept trying to teach her to add in "look at" but she just didn't really get it. So, if you her a little voice saying "I'm me" over and over, it really is a statement of more than just self-awareness. Its more of a 'everybody else be aware of me.'

When my parents came to visit at Thanksgiving, Avi could only say "tanks" for "thank you." We were content with that, as it was a major step-up to actually be vocalizing anything when she previously only would use baby-sign language to communicate this phrase. Yet, my dad quickly got her to say "thank you." So now she makes us melt by saying "Tank-you daddy" and "Tank-you mommy." Its one of those amazingly precious phrases that makes me think of the Grinch that Stole Christmas. How? Well, "The Grinch's heart grew 3 sizes that day . . ." and the picture that accompanies this quote must be exactly what happens to my heart each time I hear her speak her gratitude. Is this why I am a parent?

As the parental units, I am generally referred to as "mom-mom" or "mommy" while Josh is "Daddy." Sometimes we are loved and needed. Yet, other times she likes us to go away. Her "Moove mommy" has been a new one (which needs to be tempered). But we secretly laugh when she tries to push us away, saying this, so she can resume hiding under her blanket, or in the cupboard so she can secretly suck on Josiah's "pass"(pacifier) or take care of her business. The other day she didn't want to go home, so I tried to bribe her with being able to see Josh. Although this normally works, this time she replied with "no, no daddy" and a few minutes later she added to this with "no, no titol" (tickle) multiple times.

She rarely outright says "no!" anymore. I am so grateful for this as when she previously did so it made me crazy. Now she always says "no, no" as if she is wagging a finger at her students in her one-room school house.

She continues to call Josiah "buddy" though she also refers to him as "Boder" (brother). Others are generally "People." A few weeks back she used her classic phrase, as she does countless times throughout the day, "wat is TAT?" while pointing to a group of kids in a parking lot. I told her that those were teenagers, that they were "people." Since then she refers to most others as either a "fwind" (friend) or a people. So, its not uncommon to here "Its a people!"

These are some of her phrases, mannerisms and words. Of course, this barely scratches the surface of Avi-speak, but it will have to do for tonight. So, in Avi-speak I bid you "nite-nite, fwind," while offering you a kiss with smacking lips and protruding tongue.

Parenting: Step one

Something I've been thinking about a lot of late is my parenting goals. Its no secret that Avilynne has totally embraced the infamous Terrible Two's, for anyone who has been around her for a few hours (or minutes, sometimes). Yes indeed, before her actual birthday she threw all sweet innocent babyhood out the window and started livin' it up with drunken sippy-cup binges, screaming, head-banging tantrums and total self-absorption, manipulating the very adults she flirts with regularly. To me, the early dawn of the Terrible Two's feels greatly unfair. A month, let alone a day extra of a toddler with this disease is one too many. But who am I joking? Its not like I was preparing for this although I have been thoroughly warned. Who is ever prepared to find out their child is diagnosed with a terminal illness, even if you are warned?

Of course, that might seem like an exaggeration. Yet, in a since its not, spiritually speaking. The Terrible Two's just might be that reminder to us that our child is not the perfect concoction of our blissful marital love; instead its a little human that is also a little sinner. One time when Avi was acting up my husband sweetly looked at me and declared that those were our genes acting up in her (well, that's my paraphrase). We passed on our least favorable DNA: we fall short of perfection (and typically pretty far from it). I am obviously not a believer in the inherent goodness of mankind. Truly, no biologist, or physiologist who has ever had a two-year old can actually believe that load of crap, can they? All to say, the Bible says that all have sinned, or stated in a way that makes more since- we all are selfish, self-serving and self-focused at our core. Even psychology testifies to this, with the id and the ego and all that jazz. Oh yes, of course we can try to be good and can be successful. But that just isn't going to cut it.

And my daughter makes this truth self-evident. You want to know what she did on my birthday? Yes, my happy birthday!? She threw about fifteen temper-tantrums in the middle of quiet bookstore, and then ran across the store into the joining Starbucks! Some lady came out asking people throughout Barnes and Noble if the kid belonged to them! That was the second time that hour she ran off into oblivion. One time they had to close down part of a store to look for her. Then she was terrorizing Josiah, throwing the merchandise, and somehow I was supposed to carry her, my son, and all our stuff out of the store into the rain, leaving my unpaid for items and coffee behind? Really, I am not giving this story justice by providing you with details. I'll spare you but do know, it was MISERABLE! I wanted to spank her into the next county yet instead I stood there, tantrum after another wishing my child was better-behaved, that people would look on me with grace rather than the contempt they were showing, while desperately wishing I had five more hands and a plug to shove in her mouth. This is not an unusual situation I have found myself in either. Don't misunderstand me, Avi is a wonderful darling. She is a mysterious, exciting and a bubble of joy. But she is also Bad. Very very bad. Yes, her behavior can be bad, but there is something within her that is off too. The same something in all of us that is off which makes us so in need of God, so in need of love and grace amidst consequences and discipline we call life. So, by the grace of God parents everywhere have kindly been given the Terrible Two's as a year to train up our kids so they won't live in those Terrible Two's their whole life long. Or at least to remind us that we sure need some help as parents before we go insane. It happens, you know.

I steam like a pressure cooker that has been sitting on the boiling flame of household affairs. Sometimes I feel like I am about to burst, and the facade of the gentle mother I pretend to be is quickly melting off thanks to my semi-sweet children (semi-sweet like chocolate chips). Hence I've started hitting the books. Yep, I'm asking for advice, watching others intently, discussing ideas and gleaning from the knowledge of those more experienced or more educated on the subject: PARENTING. I am convinced the Terrible Two's were created by God to remind us that producing offspring means more than shoveling food down the pipe while occasionally wiping dirty noses and dirty bums (although that is important too). They are a reminder that we need a lot of help, and that our responsibility is greater than just what is on the outside.

Believing these two truths are, from my inexperienced and unprofessional opinion, the first place to start: that my children actually do need parenting due to their selfish human nature coupled with the fact that my spouse and I are the ones called to parent them (after all, I birthed them which was quite the experience, let me tell ya). If I have a beginning point to recognize what the heck is happening everyday I can move on from there. Yep, there is a kid and I am, what, supposed to parent? I know that might be overly simplistic for some, yet this simplicity really does drive me deeper because it acknowledges the responsibility I have.

Parenting is like being given an empty computer hard drive which already has a virus (if that's possible) that we are responsible for programing. Unfortunately, it doesn't even matter if we are good with computers or not! We get to program a operating system anyway, a worldview complete with a culture, value-system, and basic survival skills in order for it to function (and hopefully go beyond just functioning in our world to being successful). Which brings me to my questions of today which made me start on this subject in the first place: What defines successful parenting? What defines a successful child? What are my parenting goals? So maybe, if I get around to it, I'll continue hashing out parenting with these wonderings in mind. Parenting: Step Two.

Thinks I Like Recently

Some newer photos of Josiah:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=159165&id=521107253&l=d3824ab331


An awesome effort, my favorite cousin is up to:

http://brittanyfox.missionsplace.com/




A very well-written, humorous blog I have been following for parents. Its a great perspective which reminds me I am not alone:

http://momastery.blogspot.com




Cocompletely real, very funny, slightly vulgar post about a Washing Machine and sleep deprived motherhood:

http://dooce.com/2009/08/28/containing-capital-letter-or-two




Issues going on in the world of human trafficking of late:


http://www.ungift.org/ungift/en/stories/human-traffickers-exploit-economic-crisis-redoubled-prevention-efforts-urgently-needed-.html

A Social Problem: Stay-At-Home-Parent

This is one of the short essay discussions I did a couple weeks ago for the current class I am in, Social Problems in the workplace (SOC 402). Please note that for reading ease, I used the term "mom" but this would really apply to any male or female caretaker and guardian who does not work outside the home. This post is not intended to prove that this job is harder than any other or better than any other. It is only intended to bring awareness to that fact that being a stay-at-home caretaker is a difficult task which can be improved with society's help.

A Social Problem is defined by Lauer and Lauer as ". . . one whose causes and solutions lie outside the individual and immediate environment" (2008). Although being a Stay-at-home parent is not technically a paid job, anyone who has done it before can assure you that it is a very real job none-the-less. I became a Stay-at-home-mom because I didn't have a career job outside the home. It was not worth it for me to work because of the child-care/traveling/income differences just were not logical. I could work, but would it be worth it to have someone else raise my child, instilling their values and not necessarily able to give them the attention they might thrive in, just so I could have a couple thousand extra dollars a month I can do without (if even that much)? Although I often wish I could work part-time outside the home, I was content with this decision when we made it.

Now I am not so sure I am as content with this job. Why? Well, let's just say if I worked for a company in this job, I probably would have quit by now. I consider it a social problem because, firstly, it is a relational job. There is great social responsibility on my shoulders including taking care of kids/spouse, managing a household in which must respond to the repairman, teachers, insurance companies, etc..., and socially expected to act in certain ways towards people I should be involved with (such as volunteering, church, neighborhood, other moms, contacting family, etc...). I am my own manager in my own start up business. This "business," The Johnston Estate, does not make money in itself, but I keep it running smoothly so my husband, the bread-winner, can do so.


A large portion of America's children are raised by a family member who does not work. I read an article the other day, telling mom's to ask for help, that they weren't meant to raise their children alone. It was kinda going with the "it takes a village" theme, encouraging mothers to not be afraid of having their parents, in-laws, relatives, friends, and neighbors take some of the load. I thought that was sweet. Sweet and totally not possible. After all, who can I ask to "take my load?" With change in the economy and business, the workforce has moved to where there are jobs, whether it be in the city or the other side of the country. Extended family and life-long local friends don't always follow each other around, let alone life-long acquaintances like your pastor and dentist. My community has a population of 60,000; it is a community which didn't even exist as more than a few small farms 15 years ago. Very rarely do I meet anyone is from here. East-coast Americans do not typically sit on eachother's front porches drinking lemonade together, and neither do they ask the other neighbors for help if they have even met. I am luckily to live on a street which defies this status-quo, but its abnormal. I have a close church-family in my area too. Yet, for the typical mom in my area, there is no one.

All to say, I am aware of many moms who struggle with the difficulties of the task that is expected of them when help is just not there. Its easy for moms to become so stressed mentally and tired physically that they start to become less-than-mediocre in their childcare, and on occasion flat-out terrible parents. Or others deal with extreme depression due to being overworked, so much so they are not able to handle any other difficulties in life. I know a few moms who are suicidal because of the pressures they have on them, most which are not their fault. I also know many couples who have become separated for the same reasons, having too much to manage and without a local support network. These are not solely just personal problems, although the individual really can do more to help themselves. Yet these problems will not go away unless there is social help.

So, what makes this job so difficult? I might get help at my job from my spouse or friends, but I do not have time off (except when scheduled with my husband or babysitter for a few hours here and there). I work most of 24x7 hours a week. Although there are moments in my job I am able to sleep (like a firefighter can, still on alert for the siren to go off). Sometimes my job is very fun and enjoyable. But, can you imagine if your boss at XYZ INC. required you to work over 150 hours a week?

Monotony is another major issue. I do the same thing almost everyday. It can get very boring. I listen to my baby cry and my daughter babble mostly unintelligible words throughout the day. This is anything but stimulating. I can improve this situation by getting involved in as much as I can or trying to use any freer-time for stimulating activity. Yet still, there are days when I can't get out or do anything I find stimulating. In general, not having goals set from outside can be hard. Days, weeks, months turn into years and nothing changes much.

At a typical job, management gives incentives. You are rewarded with bonuses, pay-increases, have performance reviews, and often have general encouragement, and feedback. As a mom, you often only get negative feedback (Your screaming child does not say "thanks mom for changing my blow-out again" while the dirty floor and piles of laundry testify that you are a failure). Your spouse might encourage and thank you but that is not a guarantee, and it might not be often enough. There is little recognition for the countless tasks you do all day.


Awareness needs to be increased of the challenges of stay-at-home parenting through the media, as well as encouragement for those with careers to look at us as equal members of society (besides grandma talking about it at Thanksgiving dinner). From most of what I see, being a working parent is what is glamorized. I often feel that other people think something is wrong with me because I choose to stay at home. Maybe I am lazy, not able to handle working a real job and being a mom (Which is why those who work have daycare, its not like they can do it all either). Or others just assume I am not smart, educated, and underclass. It is true that I am just shy of receiving my Bachelor's degree yet, and it would be hard for me to find a high-paying job to make it worth me working outside the home. Yet, even if I did I know I would still be staying at home with my kids, at least until they are in school and I could work part-time elsewhere. Besides, the fields I enjoy working in the most are generally within the non-profit sector in which I would still not be able to make it worth it to pay for childcare from a financial perspective. Or on the other hand a stay-at-home mom can also both be looked at as too traditional or too hoity-toity, like a country club yuppie. Funny how all these perspectives of a stay-at-home mom of little children do not logically fit together. Can I be undereducated, poor, rich, snobby, and uber-traditional at the same time? Apparently. I don't consider myself uneducated, snobby, or having characteristics worthy of discrimination. Yet, the Stay-at-home is often looked at oddly. I guess this is typical to encounter some prejudice, as most are partial and skeptical of anything outside of their experience.

Ways to ease this social problem can first start with the spouses. Ideally, spouses should try to balance the workload rather than just using their off-work time for their own pleasure. The mom, whether working or not generally takes care of the lump of the household and childcare for whatever reason. The more the husband can help, I have no doubt the more he will like who his wife is as relieved of burden. Also, local friends and family members can exchange favors, taking turns watching eachother's kids. Although meeting trustworthy people is difficult when you are in a new place, challenging yourself to join a moms group, a church, and other organizations along with going out of your way to introduce yourself to neighbors and other moms at the park can go a long way. Even increasing encouragement in all forms is probably the best way to help us moms, especially moms with little children.

Communities/towns themselves, along with local organizations and churches should really go to greater effort to make support networks. Or if there already are, have ways to contact moms who are so secluded and depressed they don't look for help themselves. Catchy yet simple mailers, signs, door-to-door invites, or even articles in the HOA magazine can all be effective. Although this seems ridiculous to even myself, could the communities provide free quality babysitting services once a week for stay-at-home parents? Yes, that is ridiculous. But I know having babysitting services in my community are very appreciated. A local grocery store offers has a childcare center in it for those who are shopping. Our HOA provides very low-cost babysitting at our gym, something which many gyms in our area do. A break from your children for even just an hour can be a life-saver sometimes. I wish there was a way I could have my children be watched long-enough to get some paperwork done, take a nap, or have some time to just breath. Or even cooking a meal, or sharing the responsibility with another family is an amazing blessing. I am so thankful to my friends and spouse who give me this on occasion. Giving moms a little more help a long the way might be cheaper than waiting until they go crazy and have to take their kids from them. This might sound extreme, but I know that this is actually a reality for some moms who are not handling the pressure very well.

In conclusion, Stay-at-home mothering is a job in itself, with challenges and difficulties. Some of these can be eased by outside help. If you have the ability to help a mom with small children, on their behalf, I ask you to please do so. Often the mom is in denial that she needs help, so don't give her generic offers like "ask me for help sometime" because if you do it is almost guaranteed that she will not ask. Yet offer specifics instead. Offer to babysit a certain day so she can grab a coffee and read a book for an hour, ask her family for dinner a specific night of the week, or tell her you will come over at 11 a.m. the next day to talk with her while folding laundry. Do these things and you will make a very frazzled woman sigh and she will probably even give you a genuine smile.


References:

Lauer, R., & Lauer, J. (Eds.). (2008). Social Problems and the Quality of Life (11th ed.). New York: McGraw-Hill.

PhilD41. (2009, August 12). Life Support for the Stay-At-Home-Mom. Hubpages. Retrieved August 12, 2009, from http://hubpages.com/hub/Stay-At-Home-Mother?utm_source=fb&utm_campaign=newsfeed

FourThings I Recently Like

Understanding Stay-At-Home Moms:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Stay-At-Home-Mother?utm_source=fb&utm_campaign=newsfeed

Inglehart-Welzel Cultural Map of the World

Adjustment

"You are a beautiful daisy. You have many tiny seeds. They are the future. Your children are your 1st mission field. You are a world changer and a diaper changer . . ."
~A Mothering Friend

I have been marveling that my fingernails are a millimeter long. I don't think they've been that long since I was four. Too busy to bite or pick. Hallelujah.

Today was AMAZINGLY beautiful outside. In general, it has been a wonderful world outdoors. My irises are blooming. It never ceases to amaze me that plants spring up from the ground out of no life and become bright shades of colors. Abet, mostly green. I just love color.

Josiah is a week old today. He did not like his first sponge bath. He is a handsome sleepy little man. But when he is awake he is takes the world in with alertness and softness. I like him a lot. He eats 2-3 hours around the clock, though at night sometimes he will do 3.5 hours. I long for the day when he will sleep through the night.

Avi is handling the new little brother well. She calls him "I-ah" and always tells him "hi" with great amounts of exuberance. She also likes to kiss him (i.e., try to crawl up on, or tackle without grace while extending pouting lips). Yet, she has also been very whinny and more tandtrumish. There is an aspect of jealousy for her mommy and daddy. Actually, she is probably getting more attention in general, though, with both of us at home, and daddy having to take care of her more when I am with "I-ah."

I am healing great, though I have been having alot of neck and back pain and its also difficult to walk or climb stairs. My milk is starting to settle into normalcy, and in general, my body is adjusting much better with this second baby. Josh has been having to stay home, in large part, mainly to help me carry Avi as I can't carry her or Josiah in his carrier. Hopefully my body will continue healing well this week, and I'll start to know how to handle two kids plus the household well enough so that He can go back to working at work.

Emotionally, I haven't been as "well." I was crying every five minutes by day three. Thankfully, the minutes between tears has been growing exponentially, and I do believe I haven't even cried one time today. So far. Thankfully Josh seems to have decided its one of his main goals to help me see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I think I am starting to. We WILL adjust, and we WILL survive, even thrive with two kids! In a few months I'll surely be so ecstatic about how well we are doing that I'll want to become pregnant again, asap! Okay, maybe that last one is more like the light of a train coming to smash me at the end of the tunnel than just the glow of the happy sun. But generally, I think my eyes are starting to focus more on the joy of this life-change as opposed to sleep deprivation and how overwhelming everything feels. Anyways, surely I'll forget that "we WILL adjust" in a couple minutes and start crying again, but hey, its a process.

Our Baby Boy is Born!

Hello! Our baby boy has been born!

At:
INOVA Loudoun Hospital Birthing Inn
In:
Lansdowne, Virginia
On:
May 11th, 2009
At the Time of:
3:57 p.m.
Weighing:
8 lbs. 1 oz.
Length:
19.5 inches long

And His Name Is:

Josiah Cory Michael Johnston

"The Lord gives his people strength.
The Lord blesses them with peace."
Psalm 29:11



(Labor progression Chart)

No Little Man Yet

Today is Friday. The eighth. That, mind you, means it is three days past my due-date. Three days beyond the hoped for day. Three days more of carrying a huge mass inside. Could I get used to being pregnant eternally? Possibly. But it would be far from preferred. Three days might not sound like much. But, if you've been very immensely pregnant before you know how much that is. Avi was two days late, and although she was late, I was in labor from the end of her due date. In otherwords, I knew she was coming. Yet now, although little Johnny John Johnston still could enter this world tonight, I have no clue. I just wait. I wait biggly.

Who lied to us in the first place, declaring pregnancy to be only nine months? They sure seem evil, whoever they are! 40/4 really does equal 10. Ten months, yep. I CAN do math (sometimes). Of course, that isn't exactly counting those funky 5 week months, but who counts those when you are measuring in weeks anyways? They just want us to feel like its less time so we don't go crazy earlier. That way we are already nine months along (36 weeks) before we realize we actually have another month (at least) to go. And by then, the baby could be born at 37 weeks and we think "I can do one just more week!" And then the baby isn't born, so we think, "well, maybe this week...." and then its "well maybe next week..."etc.... Its kinda mean that they give us about 5 weeks we can deliver in. Five whole weeks of uncertainty and hope, of it being just dandy if that baby comes at any time. By the time the due date comes you've been thinking, "heck! I could have had this baby 3 weeks ago already!" Then who in blue blazes is going to want to stick around until week 42? No one! Nadie!

So, of course they will induce me on Monday if he still hasn't appeared. But I do not prefer that. I would prefer his body, my body, and whatever hormones that need to get going to create that perfect cocktail to kick this process into gear. I want those hormones to pour through out my veins crying "May-day, May-day . . . Free little human up! Free big mama up!" Or whatever those hormones say to get this going.

Honestly, there is so much to be thankful for. From having multiple nights left of good sleep, to having more time with my husband, daughter, my mom, and my good friends before baby is born. I have had to rest this week, which has driven me crazy doing so little, but its been good for me. Josh finished his class and final and has been able to not have to worry about that for a few days while baby still hasn't come. I've tried all those natural methods to get little guy out, and he is stubbornly set in (well not caster oil-yuck!). So in the meantime my skills in patience have been forced to grow, along with my trust in God that His timing is better than mine. After all, I probably would have had him at week 37 if it was my choice. So, in the meantime I still wait. I try not to be bitter as I wait. I try to happily wait being content in all situations. Em-hum. Cough. On that note, maybe I should take another walk and eat more pineapple now. Later!


(Video of Avi sliding)

Avi at Twenty Months

Avilynne is now 20 months old. Whats new with her?

Avi can point to her:
-nose
-eye
-ear
-mouth
-hands
-feet
-belly (or baby)

Avi can say (That I can recognize):
-Nose
-Eye
-No
-Tractor
-Three, two, one! (she tries at least)
-Juice
-Hi
-All done
-Ball
-Book
-Balloon
-Strawberry
-More
-Mama/mommy
-Dada/daddy
-Jill
-DebDeb
-Repeats other names we
say (joyjoy, faith, stacy, grandma)
-Say her vowels in Spanish from the rhyme "a, e, i, o, u el burro sabe mas que tu"

Avi can sign:
-All done
-Yes
-Thank you
-More
-Food/eat
-Drink
-Hi/bye

Avi makes noises for these animals when she sees them:
-doggies
-kitties
-pigs (sounding semi demonic)
-cows
(And repeats our noises for these when we point to pictures of them):
-ducks
-birds
-snakes
-bears
-lions/tigers
-bees
-horses


Avi can:
-Blow her nose
-Smell things (candles, flowers, candy).
-Follow many of our commands (picking things up, handing things to us, throwing things away, going up or down the stairs, "Be gentle," etc...)
-Is aware of her bodily functions (Which she acknowledges verbally)
-Try to wash her hair/body, brush her teeth/hair, and put clips in her hair
-Understand a whole lot more that I give her credit for!
-Dance and move to the music pretty decently.
-Run like a girl.....wagging her hips and putting her arms out funny- oh my.
-Try to work it!

Avi likes to:
-Say hi to almost everyone.
-Flirt with men (and women too, but especially men).
-Kiss pictures of people. Most notably the construction workers, emergency workers, and babies in a books we have.
-Stick her fingers in her ear and sing when she is done eating at the table.
-Whine or yell when she doesn't get her way.
-Answer most questions with"no" (Ex."Do you like to obey daddy and mommy?" "no!")
-Sing notes (and now we are starting to recognize songs)
-To eat chocolate, but not too many other deserts. She likes chips.
-Be tickled!
-Play with her ball and look at her books with us.
-Go outside to explore and observe the world.
-Take baths and in general, just to play in water.
-Say "cheese" when she sees a camera while making a silly grin.
-Play with the neighbor kids and kids at church.
-Make a lot of noise and yell in the car (especially if its been more than 20 minutes).
-Try to get away with touching the computer and climbing on the couch arms/back.
-Play with the metal dish scrubbers for whatever reason.
-Run REALLY far away in stores. She doesn't have qualms about being far away from me.
-Have anything to do with shoes. She likes to find them, put on hers, put on yours (on you and her), chew on them, move them . . . She is pretty much obsessed with shoes. Oh no.

Preggo Update

I am still pregnant. I am trying not to be jealous, as my friend had her baby a week early today. Yesterday, a woman I know had her baby three weeks early (she was due after me). And, another friend of mine might get to have her's early too even though she is due a week after me (although, that is because she might have to get a c-section of which I am really NOT jealous of). I am out! Or probably not, as I will have this baby by the 11th of May at the utmost latest (according to my Doctor). And, it is much more likely I will go before May 5th, as this is my second baby. Really, if I am jealous, I am jealous of possibly two weeks less of being able to sleep through the night. There is no reason I should hurry away my sleep- I love sleep! So thank you God I still haven't had this baby because that means one more night of peace!

I have been feeling very out of sorts all weekend: jittery, heart-pounding, somewhat nauseous, trouble focusing with my eyes (And my mind!), extremely swollen feet/legs (which went away as I laid down a lot), and a slight to extremely bad headache. In case you don't know, these all happen to be the most common symptoms for preclampsia, a high blood pressure issue that happens in pregnancy which is very dangerous. I get symptoms like these with my migraines, too, though, which makes me skeptical I actually have a problem going on. Generally, though, my migraines follow a pattern that is pretty distinguished, unlike how I felt this weekend. So, as to avoid being sent to the hospital to get checked out (which I knew would happen if I called the Dr.), I took my blood pressure at those little booths in the pharmacy sections at grocery stores. It said my blood pressure was higher than typical, but it wasn't crazy. Hence, I continued sleeping or laying down very pathetically most of the weekend.

So, this morning I called the Dr. when the office opened. Sure enough, they wanted to see me. They did the typical tests, the blood pressure, pee-test, checked the baby's heart rate, etc... For the most part, it was all well. But, of course, little did I know but you can still have preclampsia and it only show up in blood work. And besides, I shouldn't be feeling this way, so they should monitor the baby. Hence, despite all my work to avoid the hospital, guess where they sent me? Yep! So, after calling around, finding someone to watch Avi (thank you Becky!) I got to be tested all over again in the hospital the rest of the morning and early afternoon. And, nope, nothing amiss with my blood work and the baby happily kicked its way through an hour of being monitored. Actually, it was somewhat relaxing, which was good because otherwise I surely would have been chasing Avi wishing I could go back to bed. I am not complaining. I am just slightly annoyed I had to go through that for nothing. Conclusion: my blood pressure is a little higher than normal, yet I do not have preclampsia. Take Tylenol and if my headache persists, please call the Doctor again (yey, so we can do the whole process one more time!).

I am still one centimeter dilated and the baby's head is still "whoa! Its right down there, I can feel it!" (according to my nurse practitioner). So, at 38 weeks, I am the same as I was last week, minus the extreme energy and feeling mostly crappy.

Baby Registry

For those of you who have been wondering what we could use or like for baby number two, you can look on the baby registry that I have up (link below). We don't have a lot of essential items we need, as we are blessed to have many things already that we can re-use from Avilynne or that I have picked up here or there. I will continue updating it when we receive similar items that are on the registry.

Baby Registry

I can't believe I am really full-term now, at 37 weeks! It might be three, even four weeks yet before you hear from me that Mr. Baby Johnston is born. But, it could be tomorrow, too! I am pretty sure the baby dropped lower a few days ago. Although "lightening" doesn't typically occur in second pregnancies until labor, something totally changed which sure feels like it dropped, it least to an extent. He isn't in my rib cage as much, making it easier to breath. Yet he is a lot lower, pressing on my very low back and other down there areas which is sometimes very painful. Although pregnancy isn't comfortable, I am trying to have a positive view that at I can still sleep through the night without nursing, and I don't have to take care of two crying children yet!

If I had Six Months to Live . . .

If I had six months to live what would I do? This was a discussion question I had to write an answer for after we studied the chapter about death and dying in my adult development psychology class. Its easy for me to write lists of goals to do throughout my life time. I try to make a new list yearly as its interesting for me to see what stays the same and what changes. But if my perceived life-time was shortened to just six months? That means I would be dying around my 25th birthday, in September. I guess as follows is what I would hope those six months to look like:

I think firstly, I would live out a spiritual purpose to a greater extent. I would try to know God more. I believe in the afterlife, and that I will go to heaven because I have trusted Jesus to cover over anything I've done wrong. I believe my hope during this six month time period would be based upon this faith I have. I would probably capitalize on it to try to know God more now if I will spend the afterlife with Him as well as to sustain me with as much peace as possible before I die.

I have always believed I am alive for a reason. I don't think I would try to be consumed with the question "Have I fulfilled my purpose yet?" but I would hopefully try to be purposeful with my time, spending it in ways that could continue making an impact after I died. It would just be trying to have an overall attitude of investment.

Spending time with my family and trying to make it easier on them would be a major focus for me. I think I would try to leave something behind for my daughter and soon-to-be son to help them know who their mother was. I'd probably try to make a journal and/or scrapbooks for them, as well as leave them cards/videos for different ages of their lives. I would likely make something similar for my husband which I hope would help him remember me and let go of me at the same time. Of course, just trying to spend a lot of time and create memorable experience with them as well as my parents and other family members and friends would be my hope.

I have no doubt that I would try to take care of arrangements after I die, such as for my children's upbringing and funeral stuff. I'd also write down some ideas and plans I have which I would have love to spend my life doing. Maybe someone would catch those visions and take them on to use them as a positive impact in the world. I would also hope to record some of the music I have written, and finish some artwork I have never finished.

I'd love to spend some of my time traveling, maybe going away every few weeks to visit people I know in California and other places. I'd also love to travel some more internationally, going to locations I have never been but have always hoped I'd have a chance to go. I would hope that it could be fun and enjoyable traveling, yet also I would love to go places where I could help during the time I was visiting. I don't think I would be so concerned with how I was helping, as much as just knowing I had a chance to get my mind off of myself and my condition, whether that would be distributing relief aid, teaching ESL, working in orphanages or spending time showing love to people forced into prostitution or slavery.

Randomly, I would also love to go parceling once. Mainly I just hope I could wrap up my life and relationships here, make a difference and prepare for moving on. I would love to be an example of living the shortness of life I have left as life to the fullest.

Update on Avilynne (Eighteen Months)

Cute Kid, huh?
Happy 1/2 year birthday, Avilynne!
Avi peed in the toilet for the first time today! Yey Avi! I've been working on early potty training, which has been a huge challenge (probably more so for me than her!). Yet progress is being made, so I am trying not to complain.

In addition to Avi's body functions getting on the floor during her diaper-free "naked time," She also spilled all my lemonade everywhere and dumped a box of cereal all over. And this is just one day of Ms. Trouble's antics. All to say, she has a talent for making me clean our floor. Thank God for hardwood!

Avi has a few favorite toys. Her real favorites are everything but her actual toys. But among her actual toys, Avi loves ridding a rocking horse she has. This is rather scary to us as she is so small on it but rocks so hard. She also loves her "bal." She has a plethora of balls, ranging from being as huge as her, to almost small enough to put in her mouth. Avi likes to bounce her hard plastic balls along the floor. Today I discovered these sound like bombs going off from underneath, where our friend Deborah's bedroom is. Now, having heard that, I sincerely feel sorry for "Auntie Deb-deb."

Avilynne likes to climb and stand in precarious positions, tear things apart, get into everything she shouldn't, and a whole bunch of other things which toddlers do to make our life difficult. Her recent addition to her vocabulary is "mo!" For all of you who don't know what that means, this is her version of no. Oh, such a lovely word.

For the most part, though, Avi is a great kid. She is a sucker for attention from all of us, and strangers (oh yes, especially males). She still sleeps well at night, often plays well by herself, and climbs up and down the stairs when we ask her to (which helps me a ton). She responds at least 1/2 of the time the right way to our warnings and discipline. Except, she does everything but "come here" when we ask her : ) She does think everything is funny, though, which is funny in itself. Being even cuter than a button (thankfully) probably helps make her delightfully endearing. One of these cute things Avi does has been putting on Josh's, mine, or whoever's pair of shoes. Its really amazing to me that she can actually walk wearing them, tromping around somehow without falling.

One thing I am worried about is her understanding of the word "baby." To Avilynne, baby is a real baby/toddler, it is a doll, and it is also my big belly. Last night I was trying to get her to hold her baby-doll, and she kept pulling up her shirt and rubbing her belly. I've been wondering why she has been pulling up her shirt recently and rubbing her belly, and it finally dawned on me she thinks belly and baby are the same! Either that or she thinks she has a baby in her belly. Afterall, she does regularly rub my belly while doing her sign and mumble for "baby." She also did that to Josh the other day, pulling up his shirt, rubbed his belly and called it a baby. I am hoping she doesn't do this to a self-conscious, non-pregnant woman!

Her doctors said all is well with her physical self. She is pretty much average in size and developing the way she should. Avi's hair is getting longer, so I am constantly trying new hairstyles on her thin, straight, blond/brown hair. Otherwise it eventually just lays flat, going forward, slick against her forehead and over her ears. Technically, she should be the envy of any teenaged-emo-skater-boy, as her hair does that current style naturally. But that style just looks bad on a toddler girl. I am curious to see if it will curl at the bottom as it gets longer, as it seems that it might do that. Anyways, there is always more going on with our kid, but I can't think of anything else now. Hence, this update will have to suffice for her 1 1/2 year update. Take care!

Snow Day Video (and other happenings this week)

Avi played in the snow this week, our first really big snow storm. Go figure, she likes to eat snow. Very very cold snow. I do too, I understand. Snow is almost as good as ice, but it doesn't crunch enough. I did lie though, this video is from a week ago, not this week. And this video is actually really bad, too. I was very excited about putting up a video, but the one I really really wanted to put up was too long. So, this one will have to do.



I am now a little over 26 weeks pregnant. Although the morning sickness, viruses and mono are all gone (Thank You God!), it seems back and lower ligament pain has taken its place. Little did I ever know that I had ligaments oh way down there, but apparently baby johnston has taken it upon himself to stretch those out as much as he is able. At least that's what my OBGYN says is what is happening, though it seems so much more severe than that. How kind of my baby to do that for me. Thankfully, everything else is well, as far as I know. I go to the Dr. next week and I get another ultrasound, so maybe I'll update you again then.

As for myself, I have been fighting hard against not living in a depressed pit. It seems I've been pounded on by a mix of hormones, winter, feeling like I am not having enough time with people I need to spend time with, and just getting frustrated about how nothing I get involved in seems to work out which mixes into a toxic combination of meaninglessness. So, that's been my irksome struggle of late, which, too often has gotten the best of me.

On a positive note, I am looking forward to going on a weekend adventure with Josh to NYC. He has never been there and it has been one of our hopes we'd get a chance to check it out together while on the East Coast. We are taking one of the Chinatown buses (35$ roundtrip) to Times Square and crashing with a childhood friend of Josh's who lives in Manhattan. Our housemate, Deborah, has insanely offered to watch Avi for the weekend as she wants to feel what its like, being a full-time mom. And she kindly wants to give us a break before baby #2 is born. Cheers to "Deb-Deb," though I am not too sure she really will appreciate acting out the favor she is doing for us while actually doing it. This is my first time away from Avi overnight (2 nights), so I am hoping I'll do O.K. (note, I am not worried about Avi, but myself!)

Christmas Thoughts

I have felt slightly stressed about Christmas. The travel plans were especially the problem, but now that is seeming more hopeful as josh and I decided we want to make each other happy and be good together as we try to travel with a toddler and an overworked person and a mono-infested 20 week pregnant person. Yes, much more hope! In fact, we might even have a tentative plan (that is pretty impressive for us... really impressive).

Presents are another stressful part of Christmas. I realized mid-week that if we leave at the end of this week, I should figure out Very Very quickly what I will do about Christmas presents.

I love giving presents and getting presents. Really. Its nice. Honestly, though, I hate feeling forced to get a present for someone when I don't have an idea what to get them, or just because I have to. I like giving presents when I feel like they will like it, its not just something that must be given so I will find some crap to give them just for the sake of it. As that is the case, I generally don't want to give presents to whoever I can't find the right present for. Which doesn't leave me much time as I generally forget its near Christmas until its near Christmas. Or that its some one's birthday until the day of their birthday. Even if they are my closest friend or family member, I personally would prefer to not give anything than it not be the RIGHT thing. This doesn't always work, because socially sometimes I can't get over the "not giving" a present to whom I feel I MUST give a present to. And so I do give something to them that they'll probably re-gift next year. And then I feel I wasted money (because I did). Yet I am starting to come out of that and am believing that its okay if I don't get a present for whoever. That's WAY less stressful. Its just stuff anyways, right? Oh wonderful stuff. Yet, in reality, finding the "perfect" gift for someone is such a happy happy thing. I love that. Therefore, its almost worth it to spend all my time finding the "perfect" gift for the few people I would like to get presents for.

I also don't really feel the need to spend a lot of money. Unless I really believe they will love it. But still, if that is the case, I would probably only spend that on my husband as I don't have very much free money to spend on gifts. But, even if I did spend a lot for my husband, he'd probably get mad at me for spending a lot of money on something that isn't what he absolutely needed even if he wants it really bad. He's so funny. Therefore, I almost never ever do that (and don't think I ever have). And hence this paragraph is officially pointless.

I do get sick by the "I deserve" a present mode. Christmas consumerism makes me sick. I greatly enjoy staying away from stores and TV this time of year. I mean, I like presents. I want them, though I am okay with not having a ton. Generally when I do expect gifts I only expect them from close family or friends. And since they are my close family, I feel like they have the right to not give me a present also because we are supposed to be very understanding and I don't want them to get me crap just cause they feel like they have to. Because then they would feel like how I hate to feel, and besides, I don't need crap. Last year my parents gave me a small ethnic rug. It was a nice rug, I liked it. I thought that was all they gave me. Part of me was slightly sad, because if I got a bigger present, it would be from them. But the other part of me was happy that they didn't feel the need to give me something. And I liked that even more than I felt sad. Later, I found out they also gave me a gift-card to get a whole bunch of new clothing. It must have gotten lost in the wrapping and was thrown away. A waste, very true. But all to say, it was a good thing because I was happy thinking that they knew they didn't have to do something special because its Christmas and we are forced to give gifts then.

I like being able to give freely, not forced. Of course, this is my husband's worldview, which drove me mad in the first couple years of marriage. But I think I might be adopting it (though I don't think I can fully do so). I love it that he gives me flowers all year long, but heck, can't you give me flowers on Valentine's day too even though it is forced on you? But maybe I agree, even if I don't fully always like it.

I guess to me Christmas is more of a season than one day. And that season is wonderful because of the people in it, the smells, lights, foods, and music associate with it. I like the traditions that go with it, especially the "religious" ones, as some would call them. I love the nativity story and I hope that the joy of that is passed to my daughter, the joy of the "light of the world" as opposed "I deserve gifts" because its Christmas. Knowing how to do gifts with my kids is a whole new territory I am not too sure I want to set a standard in. I love the fact that my Grandmita never sets a standard with gifts. Sometimes she gives large gifts. Sometimes she sends a card. It reduces the expectation that "I deserve" a gift from her, and it makes it so much more real and heart-felt. I might want to do that with my children. Yet, on the other hand, getting a "big" present once a year like a bike or a doll house was wonderful too, because when else would I ever get something like that? Its an opportunity to give something large and make my kid happy. Yet, the values and expectations I want my children to have has nothing to do with getting presents, so therefore giving to them becomes a fine balance between loving them (which sometimes comes out in the form of giving to them), not spoiling them, and really, teaching them how to love others and be thankful for the blessings they have.

River of my Life: A Lot Makes me Happy (apparently)

I am rather happy to be living the life I am living. Its a happy night.

Our life group just left. I was in a scurry to get them sitting nice and pretty, our living room was a wreck just before they came, toys and markers scattered on every surface of our hardwood floors. But that was worth it in itself. How happy is an Avi taking markers out of a box? A happy Avi indeed. Besides, I babysat a little boy who goes to our church today. He had fun with the toys too. I have no doubt his parents were happy to have someone watch him. And, happily, we get to hang out together for dinner just because I watched him. That means we maybe are going to become better friends with them. Ya, the mess was worth it.

Our life group had an awesome discussion. We had to be open, even vulnerable talking about what we believe, our experiences, and our understandings of the Bible. An extremely controversial subject didn't divide us, it just made us so much closer. I left it, along with the others, with the conclusion that God is alive, He is here among us and He is speaking to us personally today. It was just so cool. If this is my small group, I want to hang out with them and talk with them about God and life every night. It was really worth cleaning the kids' mess so they had a place to sit down.

My husband is out at some friends playing music, possibly being the "salvation" of the band this weekend, stepping in to sub while the main guitarist is out. That just might mean the world to the band head, who's birthday is tomorrow, and the drummer in our life group. And on top of which, it makes me smile to know his talents might be used, that only makes our family more alive. Even if nothing happens with that, I can't help but admire him for being willing to step out of his comfort zone and be used this way.

I am also thinking about joining the band, which is kinda scary for me. I haven't been part of a a band for 4 years or so now, and I have never been part of a extremely musically oriented band such as this (as opposed to more of a worship focus). I must admit, I am nervous as my skills aren't too refined, and I am afraid I will start yelling at everyone to stop stressing out and just be concerned with God, not performances. But hey, if God sees purpose in me being part of this I am willing. Tomorrow I am supposed to "try out" so I guess we'll see how that goes. I am glad Josh was gone for awhile tonight doing music stuff because it made me think of music, play the paino and sing for awhile. That makes me very happy, along with the fact that maybe it helps me sound better (which could be useful tomorrow).

My friend who lives with us is going through a really hard time. Sometimes we come across tough decisions, and she is totally in one of those intense situations now. On top of which, she was really sick today. Sometimes I don't know how to be a friend to her, but I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to show her love. In fact, I am pretty sure sometimes I do a really bad job at being her friend. Today she helped calm my fussy daughter while I cleaned the living room, burnt my cookies and made our dinner. I filled up her cup with water, told her to ring the bell for me if she needed help on her sickbed and tried to be there for her when she cried. I am so thrilled at how her living in our home has blessed us, and has given us a chance to bless her. I have seen her grow in ways and become a different person who I am proud to say just keeps getting better, wiser, and closer to truth.

She introduced me to another friend, a friend who at first I couldn't handle. Apparently my attidue has changed though, as am looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. We had an awesome conversation last week which I can only describe as living with people = discipleship. I am not sure why she listens to me, but its kinda cool that she does (I hope I don't say anything stupid). She is coming to a dinner with me this week that I have the feeling might open her up to her whole new world of her favorite passion. That's just cool.

Tomorrow a few other of my friends are coming over. Sometimes we talk about God, sometimes we talk about food, but we always talk about our kids and politics. Honestly, they can be a crazy bunch of people, but they are real. And they love other people. And they want other people to join us; we aren't a click. So then maybe new people can also experience what it is to be real. And to have a forum to bounce ideas off of. I am the lucky one that gets to have them in my house every week. On Tuesdays when they leave I slump into a chair, wanting to pass out with exhaustion, but oh, what a sweet death it is.

A few other of those women will come with me to this dinner on Thursday night. Its for 1st Choice, the pregnancy crisis center I used to work for. Its always fun to go to, getting dressed up and eating a fancy meal in which I always have to ask josh what the proper etiquette for fork usage is. I am hoping my guests have a good time, and I am hoping the Center also has their needs met. What I really hope is to get people connected with a vision for something, that maybe, just maybe might be theirs to catch. I like sharing my passions old and new, hoping someone else will jump on the boat. Like my other friend who I used to not be able to handle. A lady I ran into at a store today was someone who I brought before to this dinner. It ended up being her thing and she was able to help out for awhile. So, just like that, I like to help things spread.

I am also excited because a girl I regularly get together with is watching Avi while we go to that. That makes me happy because Avi knows her, and I know her. I just really like it that I have a relationship with this girl, that I get to be there for her and kinda mentor her in her life. I don't know if I actually "help" her or not. But that she singles me out to hang out with during church, that must mean something, right?

On Sunday our neighbors came to our church. It was awesome. They were there, the people we chill with on our front steps with throughout the week, they came. How cool is that? And not only did they come, but they want to come back! Its so exciting to see how the relationships the Hills and us have with them are coming full-circle. They are seeing God, seeing love and are starting to seek Him out. Or at least, not pushing Him away. I mean, one of my neighbors who is very 'good' and doesn't need God, she totally was cool and listening to me when I nervously invited her to church. She didn't come to church, but she came to an event our church put on. I mean, really, that is something.

The Asian family next door brought us a part of their special ethnic cake today which she said they made specifically in mind to give us part. I guess our multiple left-over cakes we've been leaving with them have either rotted enough to make them feel obligated to give back, or they really appreciate our efforts to talk with them and wave back and forth to their kids. I am pretty sure its the later. One of the ladies also gave me some plants, some tomatoes, and another one gave me a birthday present for Avi. She was thanking me the other day for even just being interested helping other people learn English. She opened up and started to tell me about some of the hurt she has experienced within this year. That means something. Though some of our other neighbors despise them because they are Asian, we have the chance to show impartiality to all our neighbors by having a relationship with them.

This and that, there is always stuff going on. We have so many other friends we see randomly, have over for dinner on occasion, run into at Starbucks, drive to work with or see at the Dr. My life seems to be a quagmire of odd relationships that take turns here and there, sometimes down a winding river, sometimes over waterfalls. But when I look back on them I am always amazed at where the river has turned and wonder where it will go, intersecting again or rushing far away. I might not 'do' anything but I am sure doing a lot and knowing many.

I seem to recently be around people who are having a difficult time. This is ironic, because I am going through anything but a difficult time. I wish I could spend more time with my husband, yes, his work has been pretty intense lately. I wish my daughter was feeling better, she was a whinny-butt all day, blowing bubbles with her boogers. She isn't feeling well. I slept terribly all night, and I have morning sickness off and on all day. I get stressed over little things, like dinner or when I can have a date again with my husband. My concerns are small, and really, not very important or big. I am AMAZINGLY blessed. I had a friend yesterday who was experiencing a set-back that was kinda minor. In her eyes, it was huge, end-of-the-world huge. She had a crazy week and this was the end of it. We were able to just be with her, help her through it and help figure out the problem (okay, I didn't help her figure out the problem, Josh does that technical stuff, I just do the relational part). In the process another one of our friends bought us all our meal. Yes, very kind. And you know what that makes me be aware of? I am in a family. I am in the most amazingly family ever, of people who will sacrifice, love eachother, and die for eachother in various ways. I mean, we all got our stinky feet too. The bad moods, the annoyance at eachother, the freakin' out over issues that will work out as we let them. But we are intertwined, our lives collide and the Holy Spirit somehow works among us to make us into the most beautiful thing we could ever have on earth. We have life, we have community, we have Jesus.