Some Thoughts (Rather Serious, I Guess)

1.) What if my life purpose was just to love my husband? Beyond just loving the person you are married to as one should in part of a life, but pouring out your all for your spouse. Or child. Or the old person across the street. Generally I don't normally think people live to impact just one person. But what if in some cases they did? I guess I am just realizing that God's love is so real and full that it might just want to love someone for a lifetime (and beyond) for no other reason. So, what if my only assignment in life was to show God's love to one person? Its just a crazy thought. Even if God knows individuals might never respond to His love, or share it with others, I think I have come to the conclusion that He might just love them their whole earthly lives anyways just because He wants them to know He loves them. Just because He wants to. That is an incredible thought to me.

2.) I've been thinking a lot about dying recently for whatever reason. Maybe knowing that I am not promised time, wondering to what degree I'd be okay with dying for a purpose, like if it helped other people come to know God or that it would impact an individual enough to change them (so that in turn they would change others). How willing would I be to be "poured out" as an offering of that degree? I might say I live for Jesus. But generally, living seems harder than dying (as that seems to take no effort whatsoever if the circumstances demand as such). Yet I think I would much rather live than die, or at least not just die for no reason. Like the typical dying just to die cause we all die someday.

3.) I really like my daughter. I am not too sure what bonds one to their kid, but something has gone on there, in between us at least. My theory is that when you have to love someone by your actions, you end up feeling the love for them. I didn't particularly "feel" love for Avi when she was born. I was not one of those moms who bond in a second. But something within the last year has totally bonded us. I feel sorry for mothers all around. After all, they have these kids who grow up, and the kid loves them as a parent, but the love will never be to the same extent back. Yet in spite of knowing that someday Avilynne might not like me, depending, I can't help but feel a certain sort of emotion for her. Its just shy of an addiction, as it lacks that "high" drive. Yet it is deep an rooted like that funky huge weed near my door, yet it is a beautiful and real plant. Anyways, I'm sure I'll share more thoughts about motherhood later; just to say I am amazed how much I love my child. These little people are amazing, and I am so privileged to "own" one, entrusted as I am.